Been a while since I shared my story.  Thought there may be some either new to the site or new to exploring penectomy that might enjoy my journey.

I had thoughts of cutting off my penis since I was a very young boy.  I honestly have no idea why. Long before I knew what a penis was for, I imagined ways to chop it off.  My earliest erections arose (pardon the pun) from those fantasies.  I would put my penis in scissors.  I would sneak into the kitchen at night when my parents were sleeping and get a knife and hold it to the base of my stiff little pecker.  Had I not feared the trouble I would have gotten into, I may have just cut it off way back then.

Puberty came and I lusted after girls and enjoyed jerking off just as any other guy would.  I became sexaully active in my mid-teens and naturally loved it.  Yet those thoughts of chopping off my penis never went away.  They would subside for a while and then return with a vengeance.  I practiced a lot of self-penectomy play and would masturbate to intense orgasms.  This still carried into my adult life.  While I had what would seemingly be a fairly "normal" sex life, I still had my private fetish.  I never told my partners I sometimes imagined them chopping off my penis.

I eventually met the woman that I thought was the love of my life,  I loved her and we had a wonderful sex life.  But life sucker punches you sometimes and we eventually split up.  On the night she left, I thought I'd take a chance.  I had nothing to lose (except, well...)  I asked her if she would do me one last favor before she left.  She asked what it was and I said, "Cut off my penis."  Oddly, she didn't seem the least bit shocked by my request. she just shook her head and said, "I can't."  Had she somehow known of my fetish?  How would she feel if she had known that so many times when I came inside her, I was imagining her slicing off my dick?  I was doubly heartbroken that she was leaving and that she wouldn't honor my request.  I really thought that was the ideal time to cut it off.  Truthfully, I wanted her to have it.  My penis was happiest with her; I had hoped she would have kept it. 

So flash forward a few years of being alone with no relationships worth mention.  It finally clicked that I was never really going to need my penis anymore and it was time for it to go.  I looked up an old school friend that had become a surgical nurse and asked her for her help.  At first she thought I was joking, but after telling her about my lifetime of penectomy urges she realized I was serious.  At first she suggested I see a therapist and if I didn't want to do that or therapy didn't help, at least find a surgeon to remove it.  I said I didn't want to go through all that; I was going to cut it off myself.  I just wanted professional help so I didn't die in the process.  She very reluctantly agreed.  Ironically, whether she knew it or not, I had a bit of a crush on her back in high school.  Yet the first and only time she saw or touched my penis, it was being cut from me.

The most exhilirating yet terrifying moment of my life was the second I realized what I had just done.  I can't believe I just cut off my dick!!!  I have learned to love the strange beauty of my stump, yet there are times I wish my penis could grow back.  If it could, I wonder if I would have the urge to chop it off again. Penectomy is a very strange fetish - it's a compulsion that you feel you have to satisfy, you can only do it once, and then you must learn to live with the consequences.

Imagine an eccentric millionaire with a penectomy fetish wants to cut off you boyfriend's or husband's penis.  You alone get to make the decision, but you also get to negotiate.  How much money would it take for you to say OK?  Or is his dick priceless?

For the record, I chopped off mine voluntarily and for free.  Sometimes I just wonder about different scenarios of how a guy's dick could get cut off. 

I've been asked if I'm happier since I cut it off.  Honestly, I can't say I'm exactly happier being dickless, but I am so relieved that the compulsion to chop it off is over.  I had thoughts/dreams/fantasties about cutting it off since I was very young.  Don't ask why; I really have no idea.  The urges came and went over the years, and penectomy play was a fairly regular part of my masturbation routine.  Never had the nerve to ask a woman to play for fear of being labeled a freak and that the word would get out.  I took my chances when my ex left.  The last night we saw each other, I asked her to cut off my penis.  She didn't seem shocked by my request, she simply declined.  So, after a few brief rebound relationships, I found myself alone for qutie a while.  It finally seemed like the right time to cut it off.  Fortunately, I had a friend from school who had become a surgical nurse.  I told her I was going to cut off my penis.  At first she thought I was joking.  When she realized I wasn't, she urged me to get counseling, or at least get it surgically removed.  I told her I was going to cut it off with or without her help, so she very reluctantly agreed.  Funny thing is, back in high school, like many guys, I kind of had a crush on her.  Yet, the first and only time she ever saw and touched my penis was to cut it off.  Can't say that was such a bad sendoff, really.

Anyway, back to my original point, I sometimes dream I still have it, and I awake reaching for something that isn't there. I used to wake up with throbbing erections, and I could never quite decide if I needed to get laid or if I should just cut it off.  Jerking off only temporarily made the thoughts subside.  Now, although I still get horny (my balls are still intact and healthy), I look at and touch my stump and am oddly satisfied that I have been relieved of that organ that craved so much attention.  Most importantly, I am free of the urge to chop it off, as it is over and done with.

I have always been turned on by beautiful shemales. There used to be a magazine called Transformation. I would buy it and jerk furiously to the sight of those gorgeous chicks with dicks. Now I find many photos of these lovely ladies at this very site.

I have never touched a penis other than my own. Since I cut mine off, I find myself thinking more about beautiful Tgirls. I would love to feel their cocks in my hand. I would love to suck them too. 

I hope I have a wet dream tonight.  They're the only orgasms I have anymore.  It's been a while and I'm getting pretty frustrated.  Playing with my stump just never quite gets me there.

My wet dreams, when I'm lucky enough to have one, are messy.  Lots of backed up semen and my dispenser isn't exactly a straight shooter anymore. 

When I dream, whether it ends in orgasm or not, I often dream my penis is still there.  I sometimes wake to find myself grabbing for something that is no longer there.  Sometimes it's gone in my dreams, and sometimes I dream of cutting it off, although not usually in the way that it was really done. Sometimes I dream my ex cuts it off, as I had once asked her to.

Sometimes I wish I still had it, but I know that after a lifetime of fantasies and urges, I was going to cut it off someday.  Maybe I should have waited a while longer, but I don't regret the experience. 

Is there anything more erotic than a severed penis?

Although few will admit it, I bet most guys have thought about getting their dick cut off, either by themselves or by a woman.  And I bet almost all get really hard at the thought.  I know few would actually go through with it, but I can tell you the thoughts can consume you until it just has to be done.  Do I miss my penis? Honestly, yes I often do.  But seeing and holding my severed penis was an experience beyond compare.

Can't speak for the ladies, but I have wondered how many have fantasized about cutting off a man's penis, whatever the motive -  Perhaps revenge, perhaps indulging a man's darkest fantasy, or even her own.

I've been asked what I did with it after I cut it off.  

Immediately after, while it was still warm and fresh, I rubbed it on my face and put it in my mouth.  I loved the feel and taste of my own cock.

I put it in the freezer, and I took it out and looked at it a few times.  Seeing it was such a rush.  The greatest irony in the world is that it made my so horny and I wanted to jerk off so much, but I couldn't.

After a while, it dried out in the freezer.  It looked more sad than erotic.  So, the thing that gave me so muvh pleasure on - anf for a little while, off - my body was thrown in the trash like any other freezer burnt piece of meat.  I guess my penis is in a landfill somewhere. 

I had penectomy fantasies since I was very young. I don't know why, I was just always fascinated at the thought of cutting it off. My earliest erections came from those thoughts. As I got older, I enjoyed my penis as much as any other young guy would. I jerked off a lot, and when I got to dating age, I loved everything about sex. Still, the penectomy thoughts lingered, and I'd still fantasy play with knives and scissors, just as I had done since I was a young boy. I kept my fantasies to myself, right up until a few years ago. My ex and I were splitting up. On the last night we saw each other, I asked her for one final favor. When she asked what it was, I said, "Cut off my penis."  Surprisingly, she didn't seem shocked; she just shook her head and said, "I can't."

Fast forward a few years. I looked up an old friend who I knew could help. Off course she tried to discourage me. Get counseling, or at least find a way to get it removed surgically. I told her I was going to cut it off myself with or without help. All I was asking was for help getting patched up. 

When I tied it off and chopped it off, the sheer rush and shock was stronger than the pain - very briefly. But the sight of my own detached penis lying there was the most exhilarating thing I've ever experienced.