Been a while since I shared my story.  Thought there may be some either new to the site or new to exploring penectomy that might enjoy my journey.

I had thoughts of cutting off my penis since I was a very young boy.  I honestly have no idea why. Long before I knew what a penis was for, I imagined ways to chop it off.  My earliest erections arose (pardon the pun) from those fantasies.  I would put my penis in scissors.  I would sneak into the kitchen at night when my parents were sleeping and get a knife and hold it to the base of my stiff little pecker.  Had I not feared the trouble I would have gotten into, I may have just cut it off way back then.

Puberty came and I lusted after girls and enjoyed jerking off just as any other guy would.  I became sexaully active in my mid-teens and naturally loved it.  Yet those thoughts of chopping off my penis never went away.  They would subside for a while and then return with a vengeance.  I practiced a lot of self-penectomy play and would masturbate to intense orgasms.  This still carried into my adult life.  While I had what would seemingly be a fairly "normal" sex life, I still had my private fetish.  I never told my partners I sometimes imagined them chopping off my penis.

I eventually met the woman that I thought was the love of my life,  I loved her and we had a wonderful sex life.  But life sucker punches you sometimes and we eventually split up.  On the night she left, I thought I'd take a chance.  I had nothing to lose (except, well...)  I asked her if she would do me one last favor before she left.  She asked what it was and I said, "Cut off my penis."  Oddly, she didn't seem the least bit shocked by my request. she just shook her head and said, "I can't."  Had she somehow known of my fetish?  How would she feel if she had known that so many times when I came inside her, I was imagining her slicing off my dick?  I was doubly heartbroken that she was leaving and that she wouldn't honor my request.  I really thought that was the ideal time to cut it off.  Truthfully, I wanted her to have it.  My penis was happiest with her; I had hoped she would have kept it. 

So flash forward a few years of being alone with no relationships worth mention.  It finally clicked that I was never really going to need my penis anymore and it was time for it to go.  I looked up an old school friend that had become a surgical nurse and asked her for her help.  At first she thought I was joking, but after telling her about my lifetime of penectomy urges she realized I was serious.  At first she suggested I see a therapist and if I didn't want to do that or therapy didn't help, at least find a surgeon to remove it.  I said I didn't want to go through all that; I was going to cut it off myself.  I just wanted professional help so I didn't die in the process.  She very reluctantly agreed.  Ironically, whether she knew it or not, I had a bit of a crush on her back in high school.  Yet the first and only time she saw or touched my penis, it was being cut from me.

The most exhilirating yet terrifying moment of my life was the second I realized what I had just done.  I can't believe I just cut off my dick!!!  I have learned to love the strange beauty of my stump, yet there are times I wish my penis could grow back.  If it could, I wonder if I would have the urge to chop it off again. Penectomy is a very strange fetish - it's a compulsion that you feel you have to satisfy, you can only do it once, and then you must learn to live with the consequences.