It was my friend Joker's birthday last week. To celebrate, he caught a bus in (he lives out-of-town) for the weekend, and insisted that my friend Huck & I take him out to a local stip club he used to visit from time to time back when he lived in town here. As odd as it might be coming from an enormous pervert (i.e. an ImageFap member) like myself, this was the first time I had been to a strip club. I have to say, overall, it was not really my scene, so to speak. To elaborate:
1. The strippers were, for the most part, pretty good-looking, as one might expect. Too many blondes, though.
2. The music sucked. I understand that, for obvious reasons, anything you're going to see a stripper dance to is going to be something dance-able, which is really not anything I want to listen to. I recognize, of course, that the odds of finding a stripper who can dance to something like Dismember or At The Gates or anything like that are pretty slim. Actually, come to think of it, I don't think I'd want to ever meet ANYONE who can turn death metal into a dance like that ... that would be weird. But at any rate, there's only so much generic dance and pop-rock that I can take.
3. 9/10 dancers all had the exact same moves. Not overly interesting, from where I was sitting.
4. A house rule that all dancers must be shaved. There were a couple of dancers who would have looked amazing with like a landing strip or something like that going on, but that's apparently against store policy.
5. I was told by a stripper that I need to smile more. I didn't really feel like arguing the point.
6. One stripper started her show wearing a very tight, very shiny outfit. Normally not a problem, but add to the fact that I had been staring at a computer monitor for 7 hours of the day and the fact that a strobe light was going off and ... well ... it was unpleasant. And don't even get me started on the fact that she was spinning ...
That said, however, there were some highlights of the evening:
1. A stripper asked how my friends and I knew each other, and we delighted in explaining that we are a band. It was very Mötley Crüe, although with much less money (and less STIs). The only thing we were missing was one of our guitarists, who was at some random show that night.
2. Dancing naked women. Always a plus. I had poitned out to Joker that I could see naked women and also have better music at a GWAR concert, but he was quick to point out that unlike at the last metal show I went to, I knew these women were legal age.
At any rate, maybe I missed something, but the strip club wasn't really my thing. Maybe it's because I was still a bit sick (I was recovering from a virus of some sort that kept me out-of-commission for half of the week). Maybe it's because my right eye was bugging out from too much monitor radiation. Maybe it's because I was DD and couldn't even have a beer. Maybe it's because years of exposure to really nasty shit on the internet has desensitized me. I don't know. But anyway, it overall was not my ideal way to spend an evening. That's not to say I wouldn't go back. It's just to say it's not my first choice.
Some time ago I decided that I would upload every porn gallery on my computer to this website. Quite a daunting task, but it's getting done. Back a few months (I think November '08) I decided I would begin by adding every gallery of solo models in my main porn folder in the order in which I have them sorted (wow convoluted sentence). I have my first folder done. That is, I've already uploaded all of the dark-haired women from my first folder. The second task is blondes.
For an idea of the scope of this task, my first folder had 129 galleries in it at the time of completion, most of which I added, but a few which I could not because they were on the prohibited publisher list, and I insist on playing by the rules so I don't piss off the admins, or even worse any of the fine professionals in this industry who provide us with the material we all enjoy. The next folder, the blondes, that is, contains somewhere between 240 and 250 galleries (an approximation), so I expect it will take a little bit longer to get these ones up there.
The only real issue I can see with this plan moving forward is that if I end up adding more stuff to the folder I've already finished, I'm just going to have to go back and add it here as well so I don't get my uploading status all confused ... I'd hate to lose track of what I'm doing.
Anyway, the next episode will be blondes. Watch for them.
If you didn't know, one of my biggest obsessions (other than porn, of course) is music. I'm a big metal fan, and now and then I come across lyrics that are kind of fun. These lyrics seem particularly worthy of being posted here:
Call me the hunter
That's my name
Pretty young thing like you
Is my only game
Don't use no love gun
Don't need no kissing
When I get a hold of you honey
Gonna light you up like Christmas
Ain't no use to run, babe
Ain't no use to hide
'Cause I've got you in the sights
Of my
Burning
Call
Me deliverance
That's what I offer thee
Gonna do a million little things to you honey
Your life belongs to me
Don't use no love gun
Don't need no kissing
When I get ahold of you honey
Rip you up to pieces
Ain't no use to run, babe
Ain't no use to hide
'Cause I've got you in the grip
Of my
Endless desire
I don't use no love gun
Don't need no kissing
When I get ahold of you honey
Light you up like Christmas
Ain't no use to run, babe
Ain't no use to hide
'Cause I've got you in the sights
Of my
Kind of my ImageFap philosophy. Call me the Hunter.
Lately, I've been having a bit of a problem at work. Specifically, I've been having trouble keeping my language office-appropriate. This is particularly a problem because I work in a call-centre, and hence I'm supposed to be polite, friendly, and to generally not be my foul-mouthed self. The trouble isn't really just keeping it clean in a call: I mean, I pretty much bust out the old maxim that you shouldn't say anything you wouldn't say to your grandparents or your kids (although not having kids makes visualising the latter a little odd). Rather, the problem is that I have to watch what I say even when I'm not on a call in case one of my co-worker's mic happens to pick up my jackassery. So anyway, I have to watch what I say. It's kind of a pain in the ass.
In my continual effort to "keep it clean" around the office, I tend to over-compensate from time to time and start subbing out phrases I would normally say for folksy alternatives that I must have picked up from either listening to country music or hanging around with hillbillies back home last summer. In worst-case scenarios, my just-fell-off-the-turnip-truck, small-towny, old-timey phone friendliness results in me saying things like "Oh dear", "Oh my" or even the dreaded "Oh shucks" instead of the usual "Ah crap" or the ever-popular "Oh fuck". In a worst-case scenario, the folksiness takes over and I almost start to talk in some kind of funny accent (DEFINITELY pulled from country music), and callers start asking me where our centre is located because they think I sound American. I usually attribute that much to the fact that I spent a lot of time near the border when I was a kid, so picking up at least a bit of the accents (if not the mannerisms) of my neighbours to the south (or north, depending on which part of the city I happened to be in, but that's neither here nor there) was inevitable. I guess it really stings the ol' Canadian pride, is all.
One of the big problems with watching what I say at work is that most of my dirtier phrases are expressions of surprise or shock. This makes it a bit of a challenge to remind myself to watch my mouth when I get caught off-guard. If something comes up which I really didn't see coming, my natural response is along the lines of "Holy shit!" or "Jesus-fucking-Christ!, both of which would have me swimming in shit creek as far as management is concerned. Instead I end up spouting off random gibberish to the effect of "Well, cut off my legs and call me shorty!" (okay, to be honest I've never actually said that on the phone, but you get the idea). I also can't describe difficult situations using regular, rather mundane phrases like "pain in the ass", or personal favourite "crap-for-crap". Instead I end up calling things "pain in the neck" or some garbage like that. Honestly, until I started working here, I don't think I had used the phrase "pain in the neck" since I was like 9 years old. Seriously.
I also have to watch the kind of joke I'm making around the office. I not only have a dirty sense of humour, but I also tend to make a lot of jokes that are just plain offensive. To be perfectly honest, half the time the reason I like a given joke is that I'm more amused by the decidely-negative reaction I get from people. But anyway, jokes about things like AIDS, the Holocaust, Hitler, anal sex, murder and other such things are generally frowned upon.
I guess the worst part of censoring myself around the office is that I'm afraid of coming off as impersonal when I voluntarily shut off one of the most animated aspects of my personality. In an effort to come off as professional, I end up robotic. I actually had a customer today who thought I was a voice recording when I answered the phone today. That was kind of a blow to the ego.
At any rate, I suppose I'll just deal with it. Fuck it. I'll do it live.
- Gianna Michaels
- Faith Nelson (inbedwithfaith.com, faithexposed.com)
- Cum On Candi
- Ewa Sonnet
- Julia Bond
- Katie Fey
- Priya Ria
- Josie Junior
- Sarah Peachez
- Friday
- Sian (from abbywinters)
- Pure Dee
- the Milton Twins
- Raven Riley
- Allysin Chaynes
Recently I've been looking at porn a lot more than usual. Or, at least, I've been looking for new porn online more anyway. I had kind of taken a break from my ongoing quest for new material from the web and was really just enjoying the fruits of my past labour lately. But anyway, I've been looking for more stuff lately. The result is that I've got a bunch new galleries to upload sooner or later. My question is really just how to go about this.
Up to now, when I upload a gallery, I've pretty much been picking a series at random and posting it. I'm debating if it might be smarter to be a little more methodical ... as it stands I have every gallery on my computer categorized by content and genre, then numbered for easy reference. So, I'm debating if it might be a good idea to go in order. The trouble is that this would mean picking a specific folder and sticking with it until I get done. It would mean uploading, for example, a whole pile of solo galleries of blonde women, and then moving on to the next category after that ... The only real concern is that I would probry get bored sooner or later. Who am I kidding? I'd get bored sooner. But anyway, this would, if nothing else, allow me to have some sense of progress as far as sharing my collection is concerned. I suppose I'll have to think about that a bit ...
Well, ladies and gentlemen, I've officially hit 200 fans. I feel like I should commemorate this in some way ... but I can't really think of anything. So I'm making this blog entry. If this was a "300" entry, I'd make lots of gay jokes and yell (or ALLCAPS anyway) "Sparta" a lot. Funny thing, though ... this entry has about as much plot as that movie. At any rate, oiled-up, waxed-down muscle-men are totally not my thing. Even when they yell really loud and move in slow motion. Okay, well, I'm rambling anyway.
In other news, I alluded previously to having found a job and moving. Well, I've found an apartment (with no aging nudists, no less). What does this mean to you, the viewer? Well, for one thing it means it'll be easier for me to find and distribute porn, since I'll be out of this not-porn-friendly Catholic-centred small town. For another, it means that I'll just be in a much better mood, for a variety of reasons, which again translates to me being more productive, which in this case I guess means that I'll upload more stuff. This move also means that I'll probably start to go all weird again like I did last time I lived in a shared apartment ... hilarity tends to ensue. More details on that as they happen.
So, to conclude, 200 fans. Thanks to all the awesome people for making this happen.
So, ladies and gentlemen, I'm currently in the market for a new place to live, in a new city, as I'm starting a new job. Anyway, I've been browsing online apartment rental listings, Craigslist, and local newspaper postings, and I'm noticing a recurring trend. There are A LOT of middle-aged men looking for roommates who specify "clothing optional" in their advertisements. A few of them say that they're nudists, which I suppose implies that when they say "optional" they just mean that they won't be wearing pants at all. Now, that's not necessarily a problem. In the past, I used to tell roommates that if at any given time they could not SEE that I was wearing anything to just assume that I wasn't. So, I have no problem with nudism in the privacy of your own home. My complaint, however, is this: in some of these ads, the person posting the ad goes into some detail about their "clothing optional" policy, about how they are a nudist, etc. What they DON'T tell you are the basics that I, personally, think should go in the ad, e.g. address of the building, rent, etc. While I it probably is a good thing to know in advance that your roommates don't like to wear clothes around the house, I have to think that for some people (myself included) they would trade living with an aging nudist (presumably ugly ... I dunno, but most of the male nudists I've met over the years have been fat and hairy) if they could get a decent place for cheap enough.
I also have to wonder about why all these middle-aged male nudists are looking for roommates. Maybe their middle-aged male nudism tends to drive roommates away, making living with them somewhat unpalatable to the average tenant. Maybe they are just really social people and like to meet others? Hells, I don't know. Frankly I'm not sure I want to know.
I just deleted my entire hentai folder from my hard drive. It was about 2.5 GB (not much, considering that my total porn collection was about 28 gigs at the time), and had been larger before I deleted a bunch of stuff I hadn't looked at for a while. For some time now, I've been scaling back the hentai section of my collection, mostly because I just haven't cared about it, and haven't really considered it "fap-worthy" to any real extent. I really just lost an interest in hentai in general, so I couldn't really justify keeping it. Originally, I had been going through, folder by folder, artist by artist and series by series and deleting individual images or picture sets that I decided I didn't want, but this was a really time-consuming project, and eventually I couldn't motivate myself to keep it up. So, that brings us to this point: deleting the entire thing.
There's other reasons why deleting the folder is a good idea. First of all, there's the space. Granted, I wasn't exactly low on hard drive space prior to deletion, but still, that's 2.5 GB that I can use for something else. Secondly, there's the fact that it's really easy to find a given hentai picture, particularly in contrast to finding a specific image set of a random real-life model. I mean, there's countless free collection sites, imageboards, artist sites, and the like which give any searcher with a mouse and half a brain access to pretty much every hentai image you could ever want, so it's not like I'm really losing anything. Thirdly, there's the fact that in the past couple of years I've come not only to not care about anime, etc., but to actually HATE most of it, and most of the fans, for that matter. So, it was something of a congnitive inconsistency for me to despise anime while collecting anime porn. There's also the fact that most hentai (like most anime) is complete crap ... I mean, it seems to me that because of the widespread use of the internet nowadays, just about every two-bit hack with MSPaint thinks they are the next great manga artist, and wants to fill the 'net with their poorly-drawn crap. And a lot of these "artists" devote immense amounts of their time into drawing porn. And drawing porn of characters from whatever crap-for-crap anime or flavour-of-the-month video game they are obsessing over at the time. But at this point I'm just ranting.
One downside of this move is that I'm pretty much giving up my ability to confuse/gross out/amuse friends with Rule 34 images of their favourite characters ... that was always a good time. But seriously, even finding obscure images of even more obscure characters from way back when is easy if you know where to look. And I hate to say it, but I know where to look.
So, to conclude, the H-Bomb has been dropped. That is to say, I destroyed my hentai collection. I still have some videos on CDs ... I'll proby recycle those ... the fact that I don't know where said CDs are (if I even still have them) really shows you how much I'd miss them.
A friend of mine just pointed out that I have more ImapeFap fans than I have friends on Facebook. It's a little depressing that I'm better at distributing porn than I am at making friends ... but whatever. ... Porn King and shit ... yeah.
Recently, my adoration of "Cum On Candi" has been renewed. I hear, however, that subscribing to her website is an enormous ripoff. Of course, my S.O.P. has always been to assume that most pay-sites are ripoffs anyway ... but that's neither here nor there.
Anyhwa, I've decided that I need to upload more of my CoC pictures ... I have quite a few short galleries (i.e. about 15 images). In the near future, I will probably be adding them to my collection of galleries. And when I say "near future", I mean hopefully in the next week or two. I'm disappearing for a couple of days, but hopefully when I get back I'll finish what I've already started.
So, anyway, that's the near future out of me. I hope you're looking forward to it.
I started organizing my Favourites today. After about 40 min I got bored ... it's really sad when looking at porn starts to get boring ... just goes to show you that I need a life ...
Lamentations aside, I believe that organizing my Favourites is an excellent undertaking. The general goal is to remove "bad" galleries and to organize the remaining "good" galleries into categories to make them easier to browse.
When I say "bad" galleries, I mostly mean:
Any broken links/removed galleries
Questionable content
Anything that is low-quality, either because of tiny resolution images, or less attractive models
Galleries which I either have on my hard drive or have seen so many times that I really don't care any more
So, anyway, I'm categorizing the good stuff. Currently, I have a section for hentai images, because I consider that distinct from regular porn. I also have a section for transexuals, mostly for the sake of anyone browsing my favourites, because I realize that a "typical" person isn't into that sort of thing ... their loss, anyway. I have an amateur folder, which is for amateur (i.e. not pro) models, typically by amateur photographers (as opposed to so-called "amateur" sites which are all made by the pros, just with amateur models). Today I added a blondes folder, which I'm using for (obviously) blonde models. Also, a note as far as categorization is concerned: amateur hardcore series will go in the hardcore folder, not in the amateur folder.
Well, that's where I'm at ... nothing interesting, but there you go.
Back in June 2007, I wrote an entry here entitled "How I Roll" in which I stated that I will constantly strive to maintain a number of galleries equal to my fanbase+1. While this seemed like a good idea at the time, now that I've built up 1. a sizeable collection and 2. a larger fanbase, this has become incredibly difficult. A couple days ago, I logged into ImageFap and found that my fanbase had gone up by two. So, I added three galleries, giving me a step up on maintaining my minimum ratio. Of course, when I logged in yesterday I had to add more galleries, and then last night I had to add one more.
This brings us to my situation: the more galleries I add, the more people look at my profile, and the more people watch me for updates, etc. This clearly makes sense ... more galleries, more interest. Right. The trick, however, is that this makes maintaining my "fanbase+1" policy difficult.
Anyway, I guess what I'm saying here is that if you look at my profile page and see fewer galleries than fans, it isn't that I've given up. Rather, it just means I haven't caught up yet.
As of writing this message, I have uploaded 100 galleries, totalling roughly 4300 pictures. I realize that compared to some of the other people in this community that is not a terribly large amount of stuff, but I'd just like to point out how sad it is that the limited spare time I have these days seems to be used primarily on porn.
Okay, ladies and gentlemen, this message is just a bit of an apology. An apology for uploading galleries which are collections of random images. If you know anything about my behaviour on this site, you should know that as a rule, I'm not a fan of this kind of thing. Still, I have a TONNE of loose images sitting in my collection (sorted by year of origin and hair colour), and I would like to share them. So, anyway, I'm going to continue uploading these more-or-less random collections of pictures until I've exhausted the supply. I'm doing my best to split these galleries up so that they're still basically browseable. I'll probably upload some more meat-and-potatoes series once I've got these folders cleared out.
Again, sorry for the mass galleries. Totally not my thing, but it has to be done.
Well, I've officially uploaded 20 galleries to this site, so I figure it's as good a time as any to write a blog entry as well. In this entry, I'm going to introduce myself a bit and explain my philosophy on posting images on this site.
Okay, so some info about me that isn't already in my profile ... well, my current moniker is Footfalls. I don't know how I came up with that name, but there it is. I'm a university student (as of writing, out of school for the summer), and have been unemployed for way longer than is any fun (but I start a new job on Sunday). In addition to being a huge pervert, I'm a big fan of music (the louder the better), especially various forms of metal and punk. I also play guitar, sing and write my own music. I'm also a deeply political individual, and love a good discussion about politics, particularly Canadian or American. Oh, and I'm a huge nerd. I should probably just throw that out there.
As for your basic porn-related stuff, I keep telling people that if it's out there, chances are I've seen it. Doesn't mean I liked it ... just that I've seen it. There are those around my hometown who call me the "Porn King", a title which I've tried in vain to lose for years. Anyway, I have tremendously varied tastes and plan on sharing a little bit of everything while I'm here. I also have a tendency to be Nazi-like when it comes to organizing my collection ... I'm obsessive with keeping everything categorized. A funny little counterpoint about how I just called myself a porn Nazi (how many people do you know that would call themselves a Nazi of any stripe? hopefully less than I do), I'm actually quite fond of "ethnic" women (although, if you want to be purely technical, everyone's an ethnic something), particularly Southern European, Indian and Latin women.
Now, as for my "philosophy" ... I will try to upload complete sets as much as possible, but given the amount of random images I have kicking around, that may not always be possible. With smaller series (i.e. six or less images), I'll likely make one gallery for several related images (like, those which would fit the same category). And, I had this fun idea that for the time being I'll try to keep at least as many galleries posted as my number of fans plus one. So, the more people in my fanbase, the more galleries I will post. Anyway, that's the bare minimum. And, if there's anything that my galleries seem to be lacking, let me know and I'll see what I can do.
