It was my friend Joker's birthday last week. To celebrate, he caught a bus in (he lives out-of-town) for the weekend, and insisted that my friend Huck & I take him out to a local stip club he used to visit from time to time back when he lived in town here. As odd as it might be coming from an enormous pervert (i.e. an ImageFap member) like myself, this was the first time I had been to a strip club. I have to say, overall, it was not really my scene, so to speak. To elaborate:

1. The strippers were, for the most part, pretty good-looking, as one might expect. Too many blondes, though.

2. The music sucked. I understand that, for obvious reasons, anything you're going to see a stripper dance to is going to be something dance-able, which is really not anything I want to listen to. I recognize, of course, that the odds of finding a stripper who can dance to something like Dismember or At The Gates or anything like that are pretty slim. Actually, come to think of it, I don't think I'd want to ever meet ANYONE who can turn death metal into a dance like that ... that would be weird. But at any rate, there's only so much generic dance and pop-rock that I can take.

3. 9/10 dancers all had the exact same moves. Not overly interesting, from where I was sitting.

4. A house rule that all dancers must be shaved. There were a couple of dancers who would have looked amazing with like a landing strip or something like that going on, but that's apparently against store policy.

5. I was told by a stripper that I need to smile more. I didn't really feel like arguing the point. 

6. One stripper started her show wearing a very tight, very shiny outfit. Normally not a problem, but add to the fact that I had been staring at a computer monitor for 7 hours of the day and the fact that a strobe light was going off and ... well ... it was unpleasant. And don't even get me started on the fact that she was spinning ... 

That said, however, there were some highlights of the evening:

1. A stripper asked how my friends and I knew each other, and we delighted in explaining that we are a band. It was very Mötley Crüe, although with much less money (and less STIs). The only thing we were missing was one of our guitarists, who was at some random show that night.

2.  Dancing naked women. Always a plus. I had poitned out to Joker that I could see naked women and also have better music at a GWAR concert, but he was quick to point out that unlike at the last metal show I went to, I knew these women were legal age. 

At any rate, maybe I missed something, but the strip club wasn't really my thing. Maybe it's because I was still a bit sick (I was recovering from a virus of some sort that kept me out-of-commission for half of the week). Maybe it's because my right eye was bugging out from too much monitor radiation. Maybe it's because I was DD and couldn't even have a beer. Maybe it's because years of exposure to really nasty shit on the internet has desensitized me. I don't know. But anyway, it overall was not my ideal way to spend an evening. That's not to say I wouldn't go back. It's just to say it's not my first choice.

-FF