"HER- Seriously? ME- Oh c'mon, it's just fuzzy piglet ears and a curly pink piggy tail ass plug. My buddys will think it's hilarious. Look, I also got you a pink leather collar that says Little Oinker."
"She could hump the base of my cock while sucking the head. I am now realizing I did not spend enough of my life looking for a hot midget to bring home as my wifes birthday present. Just like lingerie, it would be one of those "for her, but really for me" gifts."
"Nothing against little dudes who have so few little girls to pick from, but man, I hope this chick has a full size dude fucking the bejesus out of her."
"I have so many ideas for fun shit to do with this little bitch. None of them are any worse than one night in jail or the E.R. One may require a year of psychiatric therapy, it depends on how she feels about horses..."