"Before picture. Blowjob after picture= Cool. Plastic bag over the head breathe play after picture= Awesome. Chain one foot to my trailer hitch and do three laps around the gravel parking lot after picture= Epic."
"People joke that my girlfriend is an actual Barbie doll. But I dont think it is funny because her sweat smells like new car smell, as far as I can tell from unclogging her toilet she only shits glitter, and I am almost certain I saw her fall down the steps and cave her head in but she just got up, squeezed it back round, and kept walking. I am a little freaked out."
"She wouldnt shut the fuck up so I told her that four times the price of her concert ticket cost the same as a ticket ticket ticket ticket. She hasnt moved in 20 minutes."