Had a difficult moment last night. Mother and I went out for a meal at a local pub restaurant. On the way out I noticed not only Lois and her boyfriend, but they were with 'our' so called mutual friends in a group laughing and joking. None of our mutual friends have bothered to contact me since Lois left, to ask how I am. I hoped we would leave without being noticed but Lois spotted me and shouted my name. I just waved and crawled out of there. Luckily Mother was there to dry my tears
The past couple of months have been quite intense. I've finally come to terms with myself and accepted that I'm trans—even though deep down I already knew it for quite some time. After my summer vacation, where the gender envy was pretty strong, I made an appointment for a psychological consultation and got my indication letter confirming I'm trans.
After that, I told my best friend. I was truly terrified, but she met me with incredible acceptance and assured me that it doesn't change anything between us. Next month, I have an appointment with a gynecologist, and I'm hoping I can start HRT soon.
My full social transition will take time, as I first want to wait for some of the changes to happen. When it comes to underwear, however, I've already been wearing women's underwear exclusively for a while now. The thought of wearing a bra not just because it feels right, but because I actually need to—even if it's just in the beginning to protect my budding nipples from rubbing against my clothes—fills me with so much excitement and joy.
Bit of an ugly scene yesterday at home. Mother had decided to stop seeing her boyfriend. She says she has all she wants in me. He didn't take it very well and started slagging us both off and called me a fucking queer and a motherfucker, which was almost funny. He was clearly taken by Mother. I hope he doesn't make a nuisance of himself
We had a surprise visit yesterday from Lois. We sat down and it all felt very civil considering she has left me for her boyfriend. She didn't mention him, but Mother and I both noticed she was sporting a new diamond ring on her wedding finger. She said I hope you don't mind me dropping by like this. I said it was nice to see her, although I must admit I find her motives a bit confusing. She asked Mother how she was settling in and Mother said it felt like old times. Eventually Lois said she was going and made her leave. Just before she left she suddenly said, oh I almost forgot, i was shopping and I saw these and thought you'd like them, so i couldn't resist buying them for you. I hope you don't mind.She brought out a small paper bag out of her handbag. I peeked in and saw a pretty thong. I said it was a lovely thought. She kissed me on the cheek and it left me feeling more confused than ever
