Lois popped around yesterday, just a social call really to check on me which felt nice. Me , Mother and Lois sat round chatting as if nothing unusual was happening. No mention of Lois's boyfriend. Lois noticed the house had changed a little bit but didn't mention it. After an hour or so, Lois said she was going home, which was a bit difficult to hear. She said she could drop Mother off at home if she wanted a lift. Mother said I am home, I live here now! Lois was shocked, but said she was pleased that we were together again. They both hugged which was lovely. Lois said I do love him, but just not in the right way. Mother said she understood and said she didn't like the fact Lois has hurt me but she understood completely and hopes she will stay in our lives after the divorce. Lois said she hopes that she can too. Quite an emotional afternoon, but positive
Thank you to all for the lovely messages of support at this difficult times. Mother has been wonderful and has now fully installed herself with me. The sale of her house is well under way. Lois has been keeping a very low profile but has messaged me now and again asking if I'm ok. Although Mother is now living with me full time, I must admit I am missing Lois and I still feel lonely is that makes sense.
Saturday was not a good day for me. Lois made contact and said that she was coming over with her boyfriend to collect her things. I did think of going out and leaving them to it, but decided against it. I realised a couple of weeks ago, that she had not mentioned who her boyfriend was, yesterday she told me it was the man she had first cuckolded me with all those years ago. It turns out he has been fucking her on and off for most of our married life together. I felt sick inside and now I just feel numb , if not dumb. I wish I was courageous enough to punch him, but I'm not and he knows it. He made a few sarcastic comments as they removed her stuff. I don't think I've ever hated anyone so much in my life. The house seems so empty without her, but Mother has already started moving in with me and is filling the void. Mothers house has been on the market less than a week and she already has a buyer.
I've been having a lot of discussions this week with Mother over my future now Lois has decided to divorce me. To be honest she always said it would never work and she was right, however she hasn't really thrown a load of told you so's at me. Mother feels it best for us both that we live together again, so I can look after her needs and I have agreed. However I had to confess to Mother that I still long for a Daddy of my own, Mother understands my needs, luckily Mother can be incredibly pragmatic in such matters and said, she sees no reason why I can't have one as well. It feels like having my cake and eating it. Mother has had a valuation on her home and is now planning to sell it and move in with me and that way we we can pay Lois off, when the time comes. All this has come very suddenly but it feels right. I'm very sad about me and Lois, but I'm excited that I have something to look forward to.
I've often wondered if this day would ever come. I/we've been so close to this before but always just avoided it. Lois sat me down yesterday and said, I'm sorry but I don't love you any more, well I do, but not like I used to. At one time I would have thought the bottom had fallen out of my world, but inside I was secretly relieved and to be honest started to think of the opportunities that this offered me. I asked her if she was in love with her boyfriend and she said yes, he's the one. I don't mean to be hurtful, but he's everything your not. After a brief conversation, Lois said she was going to move in with him. I wished her good luck and I meant it. I hope that we can remain good friends, in the way perhaps we should always have been. Lois took off her wedding ring and handed it to me and said it felt like a removing a weight off her shoulders. She kissed me on the cheek and said she was sorry and she'd be around in a few days to collect her things. I had a little cry when she left, after all we've known each other for a long time and any breakup is painful. I phoned Mother to tell her our news and predictably she's delighted. I'm excited and nervous about the future right now. I'm going to spend some time with Mother today.
