Freedom does not fear isolation. You are free if you are able to withdraw from others, seeking not their care, their celebrity, their charm, their companionship, their company, their compassion, their concern, their conversation, their curiosity. Surely, freedom must always be balanced with, weighed against, responsibility, but your responsibilities have been conscientiously, methodically, scrupulously eliminated, rendering you free to pursue your only commitment, your only obsession, your only passion – porn.
Except in the context of the porn to which you listen, the porn you watch, the porn you write in virtual environments, realising sexual fulfilment in concealment and invention, rather than in honesty and reality, you have no need, no want for, quotidian social connection, interaction, interruption. You are free if in silence and in solitude, you find serenity rather than loneliness in masturbating, rubbing, stroking, bringing yourself to the verge of orgasm, ejaculation, then backing off. Hour after hour, day after day, edging, submitting, surrendering, then denying, refusing.
If you cannot live alone, be alone, stimulate yourself – always alone, to relinquish self-control, then retain it – you were born a slave to another. There are only two tragedies in the life of a porn addict – not getting want you want, and getting it. As I seek always the extreme – the dirty, nasty, filthy – though I have always been socially anti-social, with only one goal in any and every social encounter – sucking cock, swallowing cum, licking and tonguing yummy buttholes – availing of any and every ejaculation and elimination of men – I have grown to prefer consensual, voluntary slavery, sex and toilet.
