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Seriously, my wife is out tonight fucking someone! She texted me not to meet her at the bar we were going to go to after work, instead saying that while she got there before me, she got chatted up by a guy she took a fancy to, and decided to go with him tonight!
I'm kinda bummed about it, as I was hoping to get her drunk enough to want to do me tonight!
My loss is your gain! Enjoy these captions while I mope to bed...