I've found myself with a bit of a problem. Well, its a psychological one I guess.

I've always been quite experimental with my sexuality. When I was 17/18 was when I realised I was curious about men sexually. I always found it quite strange as I've never found myself "attracted" to a guy. I work with and know a few guys that I would consider to be quite hot, but I've got absolutely no interest in them at all.

However the idea of being "with" a man, having his cock in my mouth or even in my ass always interested me greatly. So much so that about ten years ago I had my first proper "gay" experience. I've never came out to anyone I know as being bisexual, so I never had anyone I could talk to about this. So as with most things in my life I turned to the internet and discovered a whole host of possibilities. Suffice to say I ended up in one of Glasgows gay saunas on a thursday afternoon, where I quickly found myself sucking on a guys cock. That's as far as it went on that occasion, but over the next decade I would return to the fairly seedy scene to "try it out". Two years ago I lost my anal virginity to a guy I met on Grindr. Did I fancy him? Not really. I fancied the idea of someone finally fucking me. I didn't enjoy it particularly. It hurt and I'm not entirely sure it would have gotten any better.

Anyway I'm getting off what my actual point is.

Over the past two months or so I've become really into CD/TV/TG porn. I'd seen shemale stuff before and always enjoyed it, at least when the shemale was passable. In the past I'd fantasized about what it would be like to be her, to experience it from her end. But it was just that and it always seemed to pass in favour of watching BBW/Interracial/Lesbian/Midget or whatever happened to take my fancy at that point in time.

But in the past few weeks it's gone beyond simple fantasising and masturbating over video-clips. I've found myself seriously dressing and gravitating to TG erotica with an interest that goes beyond something to wank to. So much so I've created this account and started to post my own CD pictures.

Which brings me to my problem. 

I love my girlfriend. More than I've loved anyone in my entire life. She is literally everything to me. But if she wasn't in the picture I think I would be seriously looking at walking down that TG path. I want the hormones, the implants, the therapy. I want to start living more like a woman. But I think this would be impossible with her. I don't know how she would take it.

Plus there's the fact that it wouldn't work so well with the rest of what I want. I want to marry her and I want her to be the mother to my children. How can I possibly do all those things?

Anyway this isn't a "cry for help". If anything I just needed to get it typed out and out there.

I want to be a woman and I think it's going to be a choice between that and everything else I want.