AN EROTIC TALE OF POT AND SEX

Greg was a hard working guy until he hit lotto. Then he became a self-admitted pot head. All of his friends wanted to know what he was going to do with the 45 million dollars he had just won. His answer was the same at every inquiry.

"I quit my job, I am taking one year off to paint. All I intend to do is paint and smoke weed all day everyday for a whole year." This usually gets a; ‘no, but seriously' response. Except Greg was dead-serious. "Look, I have no fucking idea what to do with that much money. So I am taking a year off from life to figure out just what I want to do. In the mean time all I plan to do is paint all day long. And be really high when I do it."

The more detailed plan went as follows: 1.Wake up at 2:00pm, 2. Eat, 3. Workout for two hours and then begin painting abstract art and smoking weed the rest of the day. His comedian friend flew down from NYC and helped him find a 10,000 square foot loft and buy every possible bit of art supplies he could need.

"Gaz, you gotta help me find the best chronic I can get." As they shopped for loft spaces.

"Dude, I'm so gonna put you in my act. I'm just warning you."

Gaz has people all over the country and made a call to a girl in LA. She told him she knew of a girl right in Greg's town who was the best underground dealer this side of the Mississippi. Gaz decided to go meet this young woman before even telling Greg.

He drove to the address and called her number from outside.

"Adrienne told me about you years ago. I'm looking forward to meeting you. come on in."

"Gaz walked into what looked like a coffee shop. Except there were no customers. He was greeted by a tall, thin but fit blonde woman with striking blue eyes. She was smoking American spirits; his brand.

"Adrienne assured me you were totally trust-worthy so I assume your friend is too. So, what does he want?"

"Well Tania, he would like....how do I put this?, my friend wants to be able to smoke an ounce a day for one year. He plans on not leaving the house for a very long time."

"That's going to cost him."

"That is the least of his worries."

"Does he like sex? I mean, does he really like sex?"

"Tania, this is the horniest man I ever met. I mean, if I was into men I would fuck him."

"Really? Way cool. What's his address? This is a man I gotta meet."

The next day she arrived at Greg's new loft / studio / apartment and tried to explain it to him.

"Greg, sweetie, this weed is like an aphrodisiac and Viagra rolled into one." She said packing the bowl for him. "It will make you unbearably horny."

"I'm unbearably horny just looking at you. Damn, I mean you no disrespect, but girlfriend you are the finest chick I have seen in a long, long time. Please tell me you're single."

"I'm not. But on the other hand, I refuse to only have one lover. All the men and especially the chicks I am sleeping with know that. Here, smoke up." Greg took the pipe and a hit. Instantly he got higher than he had ever been and his cock was too."

"Goddamn, are you sure this shit isn't treated?"

"You get shot trying to sell laced weed Greg. No, this is pure..."

"Here, have a hit."

"Oh know you don't. If I do I'll never leave here."

"Why is that?"

"Cause I already want to fuck you. If I hit this shit, I'll fuck you blind. And besides, I don't have sex with customers."

            Hearing this Greg grabbed his wallet, pulled out fifty grand cash and handed it to her.

            "There, I am no longer a customer. Have dinner with me tonight."

            "Oh..." She said counting the money. "kay, I'll be back tonight with your pot. But this will only buy you ten pounds."

            "Dinner is at eight...here."

            "Good, I hate restaurants. I own three, so you can see why."

            He called his friend who was already at the airport awaiting a light to go home.

            "Gaz, yo bro, godamn why didn't you tell me this bitch was so fucking fine. Gaz, this weed, it makes you so horny."

            "Yeah I know. And I knew you would like it. Uh, Greg, about this girl..."

            "Yeah, I know she doesn't date customers."

            "no, its not that. She..."

            "oh bro I know she is fucking other people. Shit, so am i."

            "naw, it ain;t that. Bro listen to me."

"I'm having dinner with her tonight."

            "Greg, damn bro, listen to me."

            "I gotta go. She's here. Have a nice flight ma nigga. Hit me up when you get back." And he hung up.

            Greg opened the door and Tania appeared. If he thought she looked good before, now he was mind-blown. She stood an inch taller than him in her patent leather stilettos. Her tanned shoulders were barley covered by the spaghetti strap-black mini-dress she barley wore. She smelled of Fracas, his favorite perfume and she held in her hand a bottle of Chateaunuef du Pape. And of course a large handbag full of pot. Greg was still in his workout cloths.

            "You're early. I didn't get a chance to shower yet." He said.

            "I planned it that way. Can I come in?" she said walking right past him. "Wow, nice loft. No furniture yet?"

            "Only the bed."

            "I guess we better go to the bed room then."

            Then went in the bedroom. She sat cross legged and he sat on the floor."

            "So Greg, what did you do about the state of horniness you were in this afternoon?"

            "What do you think I did?"

            "I know you jacked off. I'm just sorry I missed it."

            "Missed it?"

            "Yes, I have a thing about watching men jack off. I don't know. When ever I see a hot guy I always wonder what it would be like to see him wank-off."

            "Wait, you don't think about sleeping with him?"

            "Of course. But, I have to see a guy pull on his shit in front of me first. I mean to have a smoke and watch a guy come; now that's a good time." She then pulled out a blunt the size of a real cigar. She let it, took a deep drag and then another and then another. Then she passed it to Greg. "I made a guy come once by just talking to him. He didn't touch his cock once and nor did I. but he came like a fucking river."

            "Tania, what are you trying to do to me?"

            "Get you so hot that you won't turn me down."

            "And why on earth would I turn you down?"

            "Because a lot of guys are freaked out by a girl like me."

            "A girl like you? they're assholes. Any man that wouldn't want you is stupid or dead."

            "No, just paranoid usually."

            "So what? Now you're also scary?"

            "Greg, I want to tell you something."

            "Me too. But you go first."

            "I can see your erection."

            "And I apologize for that. But I do have an excuse."

            "And you have a beautiful cock."

            "Why, thank you."

            "And it's pretty big."

            "I don't think so but I do hear that a lot."

            "But mine is twice that size."

            "WHAT?"

            "I'm transgender."

            "No fucking way."

            "Way. Shall I leave?"

            "If you try, I'll flatten the tires to your car."

To be continued