Today's radio is a funeral.

I shit you not, I am on a Zoom funeral service. It's a bit of a dragged out one in the Jewish tradition where they spend a week on it. I suppose it makes sense if I am going to be the type to celebrate my birthday for a month. This is the third day in a row where I've learned of someone new who recently died and not necessarily of corona. Two of them I knew personally.

Amazingly, I understand the stories of the man. Weirdly the memories I have of him are not so similar. I only knew the man at the end of his life, in his most apathetic shape. This seems to have become a theme of mine, something recurrent in my situation. I have an inking that I'm sucking the life out of certain people.

In fact, I can conject that I am even noticing who it is I do not have the nicest effect on. Apparently it is taboo for me to feel in any way bad. Go figure. I once joked to my therapist that he healed me when I finally went from being suicidal to homicidal. The moral in this idea is that at least I can now understand when it's worth it to let others, let's say, suffer if it means surviving at all.

I'm not sure what this says in the greater sense. Wars, plague, famine. Do we starve each other of existence for a greater existential balance? Likely not. The current lesson I've been embodying is that to improve upon a majority of a situation is often enough to make the point.

I find myself taking time and even losing various parts of the exchange (par for the course usually). This guy has an upside down license plate. I have a feeling I won't be seeing it, but maybe I can get the erroneous street sign in Waltham, which is apparently the more desirable according to my friend (whose friend is one of the three dead).

Looks like life is going to hell in a handbasket, its own song. Guess I'll head over to the cams. Only the original one is on. Decided to take a hit of weed instead.

Maybe I'll broadcast instead then. Might have touched one of my more fragile butterflies opening up that laptop. Still got to skip its disk check though. Ever since I lost the desktop configuration, it's been working normally again.... The playlist is legit. I can actually feel the streamlining of my browser upgrade on the laptop as a clearing out of my systems. In fact viruses came from the actual Google it looks like, moving them into, get this, quarantine.

Not the porn site I broadcast from, no, the browser itself. Oh wait, that's right, y'all won't judge me because this is that porn site. Let's see whether it happens with Firefox. I'm not so sure about downloading a current browser onto a 2011 machine. This isn't iOS12 pretending to be iOS9.

Here we go, Stripchat is the first website to be logged onto. DNS Hookups-- "Okay got it." Took a second but it's working on the situation. Sent out a confirmation chat, in the meantime while zero I may very well go to the bathroom and actually dance a little. Amazing though how it's attempting to reconfigure something that was working perfectly just this month, in fact I see the loading symbol still present.

Tough to even type in the chat, and it takes a while to send too. Well, anyway, dance time. Oop blocked out when I got into it. Trying hotspot just to see. Seems like it already has the password. And like it's working. Oh and now suddenly more of my watch history is on.

Well the test works so probably finishing the song goes first. I don't think I would be able to kill a professional cam girl's business so hopefully there's some actual chat here. Here we go. I really don't have to be here. Yeah screw it I muted, and I'm not even in the mood for Discord.

Holy shit I'm still broadcasting. My own music does make sense then! In fact I'm impressed with the hotspot considering it's late in the billing cycle. Still no users on my end, but the stream's good. Looks like a single person showed up. Still dancing even though I shut it off.

Screw it, songs I know well only. Let's see how this goes. Wow the tab button got me back here. Pretty tough to dance in these clothes and temperatures, quite a challenge! Trying to figure out what would be attractive to my finance. Let's try the beginning of the list. Takes a few tries for each too.

For some strange reason the precision of my moves seems to have diminished. Seeing only the accuracy is a strange phenomenon indeed. Let's investigate further....

It seems that my mind knows the music and not my body. Perhaps worth it to adapt. Nope looks like it's my mind too. Looks like the actual pops are a start, let alone breaking. We'll see where it goes.

-Russly