Not even cam girl radio.

I have music of my own playing with a chat with one of the girls in the background. Even telling my problems. Not much of them but a little, maybe for whatever emotional support. Am I sad? Angry? Confused at least. Fiance has left for the day but other problems have popped up.

This has become almost unprecedented. It's making less sense the longer it goes on. The one girl who was my middle school crush has thrown me for a loop, basically being faux acquainted still. This raises a bigger issue though. In fact, it really doesn't apply to just the girls, but it mostly does. I notice my first post on here was in fact ended with the note of my wanting to be popular.

It's true, at the least at that time I was somewhat more humble about it. I admitted to feeling left out mostly due to economic inequality, but such a specific kind, where I was once on their level but not during the time I knew them. Therefore, all of the girls from middle school who weren't in my elementary school and even some of the guys, to this day, outright reject me.

It would be nice if their hate was reciprocated, but I like these people, not hate them, at least these days. However, even the elementary school ones communicate only on a surface level. Few talk to me at all, let alone engage in any normal conversation.

To this day, not only do I have my personal problems with this, it almost seems like they still find ways to bully me. Like what? I'm an adult! On the occasion I try to check in, I continue to be met with animosity, but that does not deter me. Perhaps there will be the day when even one of them shares the love so to speak.

Maybe there isn't any love to share, but I doubt that. Like really, what's so wrong that not one of them will have a normal conversation with me? Perplexed. I know I wasn't perfect back then, but if I was all that bad, why is my fiance from high school?

Something is up with this.

-Russly