I have now concluded that using these cam girl streams to pirate random radio channels has proven somewhat worthwhile. My fiance is here with me as I write this time, and we are discussing various implications of and reasons behind this current behavior of mine. I think part of it has to do with having someone's presence in the background. As it would happen, hot girls are not only a good source of being hot, but weirdly they offer better stability than when I use apps. Zoom you only get to tune in on meetings or discussions and such during available time slots. Perhaps there are opportunities on places like Zoom that I haven't seen yet, but as it stands, in my search this has been a preliminary solution for sure.

Basically the reason I do this stuff is because I'm trying to matter for free. As in, have my voice heard, almost a sense of security but more than just that. Paying money just to be noticed isn't exactly my forte. I'd like to think I can be noticed just because, but you can't even walk into a bar without feeling the pressure to buy at least some crackers. The online component of this is when you are concerned about being left on read or full blown ghosted. We all have the issue of when there's nobody to talk to, to the point where even meeting strangers often doesn't really work well when you don't already know the ropes, adding to the internet's exclusivity levels. Furthermore, making long lasting and meaningful relationships also has to involved the ability to maintain some social distance (yes, social distance). You want to keep in mind that for whatever reason, someone might have to leave your life, although in truth to some extent this also applies to the world outside our computers too.

One item my fiance and I discussed a few seconds ago, is that there is some versatility here as well, which is good. You could even mute one person's music and still chat with them while still listening to another's. I guess streaming quality is also an issue but when you really get into the annals of the internet, that can at least be expected. You would wonder why I don't just listen to my own music, but I'd like to have ways to get out of my shell without, you know, subjecting myself to YouTube's endless barrage of automatically recommended Lofi Shit Hop.

The one point I have taken into consideration early on is that I could in theory even tip these girls. I had an event where I gave one Omegle girl twenty bucks through Venmo just to be nice-- I told her to not even send the nudes. And she still has me on Snap, so there's that. So I figure, if there are instances in which someone is talking with me, not even just cam girls but in general, I can probably throw a buck or two their way from time to time. Even though I don't have all that much money, I've finally resolved that on occasion if I have spare change on me, yes sometimes I will give it to a nice bum who asks. In fact, even the liquor store I went to the other day, in these strenuous times, thanked me out loud for my support.

In fact I wonder if they don't feel similarly, like really some of them do just want to talk too. I'd like to be nice to the community, they seem nice enough to me, even when I admit my mistakes, which makes sense if this is a humble community. This applies to some extent in places like the public square-- I've even become friendlier with, say, the one bum who I gave one of my apples to on my way to a shelter donation. We had a short talk and even if it's only small talk, that's still way ahead of where I was myself in shying away from even talking.

This presents an issue though-- we seem to have a rift between our levels of social game. It seems to be more about reliability though, in that maybe it's as about just finding people who themselves are into talking in the first place as much as finding people who would like us specifically. Sometimes it really can be about having someone there are all. Perhaps we'll go play some chess later on....

-Russly