I remember the first time i ejaculated. Usually i had dry orgasms, so nothing came out. I thought that is normal. But one day, cum started to squirt. I was shocked! I mean, just imagine there is suddenly white slime shooting out of your body! Of cause i knew already what sperm is from school, but somehow i thought that i wasnt masturbating, but i invented something new. I was very naive haha. But after that stuff shooted around, i knew "oh, i was just masturbating, it was nothing special". From that day on, i always had to take care of that slime. I needed to carefully aim, i needed to get rid of it. I was so annoyed. I hated cum. And when i heard that some men make women swallow that stuff, i was sooo grossed out! I never wanted anyone to ever see or touch my cum.
When i grew older, i just got used to that stuff. Its easy to get used to it when its associated with orgasm. I am sure men would be much more disgusted by cum, if it didnt give us orgasmic statisfaction in return. I just got used to it, i tollerated it, and i watched porn with cum in it. And i hate how i just gave up and accepted that cum is important for sex.
Cum is just everywhere! I dont mean physically, but its everywhere on media. Its all about cum! Sex is all about cum. The goal is to make the guy shoot cum, and its over once everything is covered in it. Men force women to love cum, to swallow it, to worship it. If a woman just hates cum, its like a taboo. Everyone has to love it.And i hate how cum (and male orgasms or cocks in general) are the center of sexuality all around the world.
Cumming has so many strange sideeffects. 4 seconds of pleasure and an amazing mix of hormones, but i change a lot after cumming. I become more egoistic, more disconnected to my partner, i loose all my lust and passion. But i also loose all my submission and need to worship (whats bad as a male submissive). Its like an addiction, and once i get my "drug", my character changes. I hate how cumming changes me and how i destroy everything.
Permanent chastity is something very essencial for me. But for me its more about the general philosophy then chastity belts.
My first girlfriend was the first one to demand chastity. We both had no idea about the concept of chastity or chastity belts. Our main sexual activity was pussy eating (because i had a very strong pussy eating obsession) and at one point, she just was too exhausted after orgasm to jerk me off. So she told me to wait and not "finish it alone". I was very loyal and in love, so i promised and did not cum by myself. The longests she made me wait was 10 days. I hated it, but i also loved to feel her power and how willingly i sacraficed my orgasm just to please her.
This is still the root of my chastity philosophy. For me, it never was about chastity belts, it was always about me giving up orgasm for a woman, by choice and willpower. This evolved into a pretty strong orgasm denial fetish.
I had several relationships or pussy eating friendships with chastity elements. I never used a device, but i always offered to give up cumming, so i can focus all my lust on her. Some women liked it, others didnt understand why i would do that.
But after all these experiances, i was always disappointed when one of these women let me cum after a week, or a month. Once i did not cum for 6 month and then i was allowed. I was disappointed and sad. Thats when i noticed how much i chance after cumming.
Specially when its the first time i cum with a woman. Somehow its different when i never experianced an orgasm with a woman, and only she orgasms. Her orgasms create a bond between us, but my orgasms creates distance, it makes me selfish and less submissive. And somehow a part of me is statisfied in a very toxic way. Its like "ok so we orgasmed to that woman, now our desperate need for her is statisfied. We should find a new woman".
At that point, i noticed how much i like the idea of never cumming again, or totally sacraficing orgasms for a woman. Not for a week or a month or a year, but forever (or at least for the time of the relation).
The longest i have gone without any orgasm was 15 month. No milking, no ruined orgasms, no device. Just daily edging and too much guilt to go over the edge and cum. And i really loved it. The permanent lust, the permanent possibility tocum, and always deciding to not cum, over and over again, day after day.
Now its hard for me to go back to "normal" orgasm denial. When a woman tells me that she never wants me to cum, i feel totally in love with her. When she tells me how much she hates male orgasms, i feel super aroused. But when a woman likes cum and loves to make me cum, i am totally turned off. I need a woman who gets pleasure out of my denial, who loves the sacrafice and wants me to not cum ever again. Not as punishment, not by force, not with a device, but as a sign of loyalty and submission.
Now i often feel kind of lost. My need for chastity is too strong for "normal" woman. But i got no passion for devices and I'm not really into BDSM. And woman who like permanent chastity are often into these things. So i often find myself searching for that one special woman, who has a strong passion for permanent chastity, but not for devices, and dont want a super submissive or sissy slave.
And thats the reason i am writing this here. I just dont know where else to go ;) I am too extreme for normal chastity, but i am also not really fitting into the chastity device community. To me, permanent chastity is a lot about philosophy, psychology and loyalty. And i love to talk about it. The effects of chastity, the effects of male orgasms, the effects of permanent chastity.
