"My wife was on a business trip with her boss. She said he got a room with a great balcony but he was afraid of heights. She said she checked out the view from the balcony but he just stayed in the room and took some pictures. They must have had a laundry at the hotel. When she got home the only dirty clothes in her luggage was the outfit she wore there. The rest were neatly folded."
"Oh, you shouldn't lay on the hotel bedspread. Do you know what kind of nasty, perverted sex acts people do on top of those? You don't? Well here, let me show you all of them..."
"Oh Hi Jack! I didn't realize you were going to follow me into the kitchen. I grabbed a Truly but I was really craving something a little more salty and savory. You don't have something around the same length and girth as this Truly can that you would share with me, do you?"
"Yes, the chocolate cake sounds good but did you see the bulge in our handsome waiters pants? Do you think if I flash him like this that he'll serve me his extra large cannoli?"