Very encouraging how you try to understand the specific sexual desires of your beloved husband. Many women initially become disturbed with such open urges to sexual infidelity, but gradually learn more about the slings and arrows of the human psyche. This goes against traditional Christian moral teachings about proper matrimonial conduct. But the real needs of your carnal personality and that of your husband quickly take over. Just face it. There are so many women experiencing the same. I am one among them and may have taken a different path from yours, but we try to find happiness and peace. Thank you for sharing your experience, Amanda