"She didn't even finish typing 'is your flight on time' before her phone was flying across the room and her face was eating carpet. Poor thing tried to scream 'no' for a solid three seconds — you know, for legal reasons — but her body was already saying 'finally, took you long enough.' The husband-approved panties? Shredded. The cardigan he bought her for Christmas? Now a rag under her knees. She's begging me to slow down while pushing back like she's trying to win a race. The kids heard the noise and came downstairs mid-creampie. Saw mommy on all fours, uncle behind her, and just went 'oh, again?' before wandering back to their toys. Bless their hearts — they still think their dad exists. Meanwhile I'm depositing sibling number four into the same womb that made siblings one, two, and three. Family tree? More like family stump. All roots lead to uncle."