I guess I alway wanted to be a girl.

I played with the girls more than with the boy, as a kid. I had mixed interrests in girly stuff, and never had any urge to watch r play football, or other sports....

When I first heard the concept of a lesbian, I immediatly wanted to be a lesbian, and it felt right, it resonated in me.But it was always in the mind...

I wanted to be with girls, and also wanted to be  girl. Like a Win-win situation.Then i started dating girls (at this point I considered myself a lesbian girl trapped in a hetero male, but never showing intentionally anything outside)
Dating was hard.... I mean, realy hard. Te more I wanted, the less I get. I had around a bakers dosen girlfriends, and half a dosen one nighters.... University years. I couldn't hold a girl mor than a few months. I had / still have flaws, I tried my best. Sex was good, From 16-26 you have raging hardons, so te ody feels good, and takes the mind too ease... but more thaan often I imagined something else, i wanted something else, like something was missing.

As i said, I liked sex with girls, but my focus mostly wasnt on my dick. I loved caressing girls, putting my hands in places, kissing any part of the body, and Especially playing with boobs... yeah... seeing boobs, tuching boobs, licking boobs, sucking boobs, biting boobs... and seeing how girls react, i wanted to havee boobs. Same thing with the pussy, the most fantastic thing on earth. It always seemd that a girls oprgasm is at least 10 times as intensive as my.

So I was there not realiing the cognitiv dissonance inside me, ignoring the conflict, and hiding it under the rug. Some girls catched on that there is soething wrong with me... all i wanted to play with them, licking, sucking, caressing, fingering... anithingfor their pleasure, and sometimes i played a little game in my mind, daydreaming about being the girl, that was kissed, licked, fingered...Fucking become a mundane job, I enjoyed the phisical felleing, but it was automatic, monoton, and my hearth wasnot there. During fucking, I never was therem, not in my mind. And it felt.

Also blowjobs never gave me anything... In the mean time internet, and internet porn became more and more avaiable, so i tried to fill the hole in my soul with fetishes.I was chewing trough fetishes, like it was popcorn. Most of the fetishes i found then, ii would consider vanilia now.The main starting point was lesbians, but it gave birth to a few side kinks, wich i used as to mix things up, but there was that missing thing...(side kinks: watersports, latex, small tits, softcore bdsm, realdolls) 

So from lesbian porn, i met the most arousing picture of a girl with a strapon. At this time I considered it as part of my lesbian fantasy. Little did I know.

Then my whole world turned upside down, when i found the first passable shemale porn. To tell you the trouth, it was AFTER i saw LaBlueGirl... and especially in episode 3, there was a girl, called Fubuki, who could enlarge her clit into a penis sied.. pleasure maschine, that made ddicted everyone, whom she fucked It wasnot shemale, or futanari, but the difference was just a curly blonde hairbreadth

So from lesbian porn, I hooked onto Shemale porn....
Let me make a progressbar

hetero porn
lesbian porn
lesbian porn with strapon
Shemales fucking girls
Shemales fucking shemales
Boys fucking shemales

Shemales fucking boys 

Women fucking shemales  with strapon
Women fucking men with strapon
femdom 
forced feminization
(i put sexdolltransformations here) 

TV porn

Crossdress

Sissification
gloryhole porn 

cuckolding 

forced bi porn 

humiliation 

creamie pie 

cum licking 

chastity 

sounding 

prostate massaging 

anal domination 

blowjobs... but the gay kind 

 

 

A few years ago I had a very bad case of brain melt. And I came out realizing the problem inside my head. And over the years I came to more and more accept whats happening. The only regret, I didn't realized it as a 16yo. A lot of things could have been difference. Maybe i could have live my life not hating my body, not chastisizing my confidence. Not sabotaging myself every step at my life.

I still love girls... well today probably mostly Womens. I still want to sleep with girls. But I still want to be one. I still want a girlfriend/wife take out a strapon, and fuck me, sit on my face, forcing me to eat her out, have control in my sexual life, maybe force me to kneel before her to suck tha strapon, and lick her feet, eating her ass out.

I love shemales, traps, passable tv-s. Id want to play with them, fuck them, fucked by them, 69 everithing.  

Boys I'm not interrested, or men in general, but cocks can have a place in my sexuality other than my. I often imagine a pair, where i lick the girl, and get fucked by the boy. 
I'm open to mutual masturbation and watching porn with a lad, and after that anything can happen. 

Open to crossdressing, and playing with crossdressers.
I'd want to meet and pay with real sissies.
I'm one myself