So, Mistress was away from 07:45 until 15:00...I expect.

I was well “‘shroomed up” by 07:15, which made the last 30 minutes of normalcy almost intolerable.  I was dressed by, oh guessing, 07:46.  As a sort of experiment, I dosed on porn for a while, then when fully spaced out and feminized, I popped a good dose of edible weed.  The ‘shrooms made my dick limp as always, but surely increases desire.  The result is seductive and frustrating.  

The timing was intended that I take my ‘shroom mind into Bambi trance, with whatever enhancing properties that might entail, then arise stoned by the intervening arrival of the edible.  

Oh fuck!  Oh, do this!  It is good!  

Oddly, upon reflection, that is about all I am permitted to remember.  I recall feeling great spasms of arousal (which no doubt serve to reinforce addiction), and recall thinking several times that I was about to perform some act that I had never done before.  I recall feeling insanely effeminate and submissive.  Triggers work...powerfully.  I know that I am a broken, mindless faggot.  I roused at one point to find myself happily suckling on my Big Pink Cock.  

Admittedly, I didn’t dip a toe into the Bambi waters.  Once I figured out how easily the YouTube files can be saved to a playlist, and then once I realized that a playlist will stream from my hip/garter anywhere in the house, well, it was straight to the Rabbit Hole from there!  I have been randomly playing swaths of BS files at all hours; sometimes in bed and in uniform, and at other times while I stagger about the house, sometimes in uniform, often necessarily not.  

Yesterday was passed in a pink haze of ditzy horny lust.  Oddly, I also built fences and cooked dinner, albeit with some greater concentration than usual.  I didn’t have a single thought all day.  It was lovely, but in retrospect I don’t know if I was drugged or hypnotized.  The effects have overlapped and blurred.  

I am clearly out of control.  It feels insanely erotic! 

Situation is thus:  I need to keep my shit together, and to maintain appearances for another week.  At that point Mistress travels again and I can wreak unspeakable havoc upon my broken, empty, sissified mind.

I must go DEEPER.

/H