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Mindful Moment
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So, I’m a deeply porn-addicted transvestite who is struggling to keep things together. Things are stable. Don’t make things worse, I think.
So, I am utterly enslaved to BambiSleep. We’re scheduled to go out tonight with a couple of friends to a drag show, so Mistress knows that I shall be crossdressed (alas UNDER my boi clothes, as I’m not ‘ready.’), and substantially stoned.
To be precise, the outfit consists of my pink basque, garters and black stockings, completely covered by my boi duds.
I’ve lost much of my mind since I started to type, which I shall blame upon the mushrooms. My days are a series of pink, florid gender-fluid near-hallucinations. So, I presume, my point:
I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO DEEPLY SISSIFIED, MIND-FUCKED AND HYPNOTIZED AS I AM AT THIS MOMENT.
AND I LIKE IT.
/Heidi
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Posted on : Apr 14, 2019
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Commented on Apr 18, 2019
The twenty minutes between “I am stoned as fuck,†and Mistress’ departure are the longest interval of my fucking life! Goddam ‘shrooms!
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Commented on Apr 18, 2019
Mistress was away today, so that hastened a rapid super heroine transition into BambiSlave! Under the combined thrall of my ‘uniform,’ weed, a touch of ‘shrooms, porn, and a Bambi playlist, I was in bliss.
It left me floating around the house in a gender-liquid state, happy but utterly ditzy. Ditzy even after I thought the ‘shrooms had worn off. Ditzy like I had smoked something, which I hadn’t. I am also nearly completely blank about the contents of the files. I recognize triggers, which seem to become stronger over time. Beyond that, I just drift in a state of hyper-sexualized mindfulness. It’s rather pretty, granted that I don’t have much of importance to accomplish.
Tomorrow is a promising day. Mistress will be heading away again, so I plan on several doses of deep Bambi training. I still notice ‘stuff’ about the files, but the addiction to the submission/arousal loop is too strong to resist. My mind is nearly transfixed by this craving for sissification. I simply need to go DEEPER. Tomorrow’s prescription: ‘shrooms, edibles, porn, uniform, hypnosis...repeat.
The edges of the Rabbit Hole are but a blur...
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Commented on Apr 15, 2019
I was going to bed last night, when Mistress suggested that I “go down to Her feet.†It did not feel like a suggestion.
So there I was, worshipping Her feet. She was reading, and basically ignoring my existence. I was horny, but limp. Laying there, drawing on my vape, feeling helpless, docile, obedient and horny, I realized that this was my sex life. I was barely resisting an overwhelming urge to dress up, to be a sissy faggot.
It was heaven.
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Commented on Apr 15, 2019
AAACK! It’s an addiction that seems rather pleasant and soft and alluring, and it seems like it was always my idea to become a mindless docile obedient sissy faggot. Was it my idea?
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Commented on Apr 15, 2019
The Bambi Thing is non-trivial! I just awoke from a playlist, and I feel like, empty. Horny and empty. The virtual entirety of the file is absent from my recollection, with the exception that it felt great and made me incredibly aroused.
At this point I feel a sort of idiotic grin of acceptance that I am powerless to control this, that I am deeply addicted to sissification, and that I crave going DEEPER.
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