So at 18 I came to university. Brought up with mixed messages about being a man by my dad and enjoying dressing up and pleasing older guys thanks to my security guard friends. I came to the conclusion I was not a real man, even though I had fucked girsl,because I was in the end a failure with them, but I understoof that girls and women were primarily for fucking and cocks were meant to be sucked. After all my dad had a new girl nearly every weekend, and as I said my mum was quite feministic, but always dressed to impress to get a man for a weekend. So I couldn't get or keep a girl, but I knew aht a girl was to do, and the fact I was quite good at doing some of those things, and quite enjoued it.

Sooo, I became,  by default best friend to every girl I hung out with at uni, never fucked gthem, they weren't intererested in fucking me, but loved to tell me whbo they fancied and what they got up to, and I loved it, and had many wanks over them (knowing that was as good as I'd get). That was until a girl decided she wanted me because of the way I was. She actually wanted to fuck me, but she was engaged, but I didn't care, she wanted me and I was finally getting to fuck a girl, although again I lasted only 10 or so minutes, even though I really wanted her. Every weekend she'd go back to her fiance. On other nights she would go clubbing and fuck other guys, BUT she always came bak to me, and I loved that she did, I felt special. I didn't mind that she had me lick her clean of cum, or have me fuck her full of cum, she was mine. She even asked me to buy her an engagement ring to show how much I wanted her, so I did, even though she went back to her real fiance on weekends. Sometimes I'd come home and she'd have some guys fucking her, I just waited till she finished, after all I was going to be fucking a girl instead of being her best friend. She loved fucking, and she was doing what she was meant to do, have cock, I understood that, she was a real girl who knew how to take it, and let me take her when she was happy. Thats al stopped when she got pregnant and she split up with me and went back to her fiance. I never saw her after that, I was devastated.

Then in my final year I met another girl who was sweet and a bit naive and we hit it off and had sex. It was  funm we actually married before we finished our year as we seemed ideal for each other, her naive and me not dominant and masculine. We got along well with our neigbour and her two daughters and I soon started hanging out more with the daughters and letting them paint my nails and stuff and I'd bruish their hair and talk about bys with them. That broight back the feelings of when I used to dress up and suck off the security guards. I got very close to one of the daughters and we'd dress up, she loved to secretly dress me up and I loved to see her get ready for a night out with the boys, then she's tell me everything the next day and I'd have to have a wank over it. After a year my wife and I decided, well realised we made a mistake and had to file for divorce. I moved out. 

 Thats when I started to try be a 'lad'. That will be expalined in my next blog.