When I was about 11 or 12 years old I started masturbating regularly. Often times, in my bedroom shared with my brother, I would be in bed laying on my back, and under the covers I would secretly pull down my underpants half way to my thighs and quietly jerk my little pp until I either had an orgasm or fell asleep. Sometimes I'd wake up in the middle of the night and realize that my underpants were still pulled down and my little pp was hard and I would resume jacking off. I loved waking up to that option!

One night, my mother, who worked evenings as a waitress, came home about midnight and entered my room to check on me because I was a bed wetter and she wanted to know if I'd pissed myself or not. That night she did something unexpected - she grabbed the top of the blankets and sheets and flung them down exposing me, underpants lowered, little pp standing erect - and she screamed in shock, probably never imagining that I'd reached puberty and was a little neophyte masturbator. In anger she suddenly reached down and grabbed my arm and flipped me over onto my stomach and started spanking my bare naked ass, shouting, "shameful, shameful, shameful."

My brother, who had woken up with my mother's scream, saw it all, my underpants lowered, my erect little pp exposed, and my mother's face looking at me with disgust. That was a moment in my life that exposed my true self, a masturbator, that couldn't be taken back, and that defined my relationship with my mother as forever drenched in a tangle of desire and shame. Desire and shame have haunted me throughout my life. I can't feel one without the other.

From that time on, whenever I would jack off, I would whisper to myself, "spank me, spank me, spank me..." exciting myself to shameful orgasm after shameful orgasm. Even today, so many years later, I just love pulling down my underpants and masturbating while spanking my bare naked ass with all sorts of spanking implements, from straps to belts to paddles, always thinking or saying, "spank me, spank me, spank me...: It makes me feel so sexy and makes orgasms so delicious!