One of the hardest parts/times of being a chaste sissy boi has to be listening to your "Goddess" (or whatever title she goes by), recieve instense sexual pleasure from a Real man.  As I write this, I am in my crib, diapered, locked in chastity, quietly sucking on my pacifier.  I was put to bed early tonight, so Nana could entertain her guest, not because I was bad.  Thanks to the "reversed" baby moniter (I can her everything in her room, she can't hear me), I have heard her and her lover having passionate and wild sex for what seems like hours.  Don't get me wrong... I have never been able to please a woman like that, even when I was a "man".  I only had acutal intercourse perhaps 2 or 3 times in my life (once with a prostitute) and all those times I lasted mer seconds once I inside her (remember that scene in the first american pie movie, where he cums in his pants?  That was me and my first time).   So again, don't get me wrong... Nana, my Goddess, deserves to have sexual pleasure, she deserves to have a fun/relaxing night filled with multiple orgasms.  I am extremely happy that she is happy and well taken care of.   But... these are the moments when I think...what if?  

What if, I was born with the body and confidence of a "real" man?  I was always incredibly shy and weak.  I would feel on the verge of pissing my pants and/or vomiting from nerves even when talking to girls/women all my life, what if I had real confidence?  What if, instead of being an underendowed/premature ejaculator I had a real cock, one that made women lick their lips in desire, and could sexually please them like that man is doing to Nana right now?   What if, I wasn't a cronic masturbator, who hid in his room and spent hours jerking off to pictures of naked women/porn, while wearing panties, when I was a teen (okay, I did this for years, even after being a teen)?

This is also part of the reason why I accept who and what I am now.  Nothing can change the past.  I was simply born this way.  It really isn't my fault.  I deeply and honestly love Nana.  She truly is my Goddess.  I am extremely lucky to have her.  

Anyway, sorry for rambling.  Sorry if it sounds like I am unhappy or complaining.  Just daydreaming.  I am going to try to fall asleep to the sounds of Nana's orgasms.  If I am really lucky I will have a wet dream tonight.