Tonight my wife will be gone for at least three hours with her girlfriends, and I'm at home doing an extended self-abusing masturbation session.

After stripping naked I use hair ties to bind my balls really tightly below the base of my cock and a rubber band around the shaft of my cock, contorting its shape. Next, I fill up two mixing bowls, one filled with ice  water (mostly ice, a little water), the other with water heated in the microwave, hot to the touch. I put the bowls on the kitchen floor, squat and submerge my cock and balls and ass in the cold for 2 minutes and then the hot for two minutes, back and forth, putting the hot water back in the microwave every so often to keep it at the hottest level I can take, a little hotter each time - I just love the torture, I do this for 20-30 minutes.

Next, I microwave a cup of vegetable oil and dip my cock and balls in it - very difficult to get the right temperature, easily too hot (I yelp with unbearable pain), but no fun if not hot enough to be right at the edge of torturous pain. I like to take a tablespoon and ladle the oil onto my cock and balls and luxuriate in the pain. When it is just hot enough I just love the feeling being at my limit, burning my cock and balls. As the oil gets sloppy, I take it and smear hot oil all over  my ass, ass crack, and anus, sticking hot oily fingers up my ass! Getting hot oil up my anus is exquisite. Then I pour oil onto my nipples and soon my whole body is coated in warm/hot oil and my cock is rock hard as I stroke with an excess of oil slipping and sliding all over. I love groping myself over my entire body with slippery hot oil, all the while one hand stroking my cock as I take off the rubber hand and it regains its erect shape.

I feel so naughty doing all this that I get the urge to punish myself, one hand on my cock masturbating or fingerfucking my anus, with my other hand I slap myself in the face, alternating forhand and backhand, 20, 30, 40 slaps each side. At this point I'm in a dilerious state of mind, like there are two of me, one that can't stop punishing and the other that completely submits to punishment. It's like I'm on an intoxicating drug.

Finally, I stand up in my masturbation stance, feet apart, knees bent, ass sticking out, humping my hips back and forth into my hand pussy. Then I ttake a metal spatula and spank my self as hard as I can,  20, 30, 40 spanks on each ass cheek, ordering my self out loud,, "Cum you worthless masturbator, squirt your dick snot you beta masturbator, jack off you  pathetic masturbator." 

Indulging in an intense session reaches a deep place that I have to visit every so often. It's the combination of enduring pain and punishment, the pleasure of getting an explosive orgasm and the catharsis of expressing my deepest feelings of humiliation. Only through pain and punishment can I really release my shame and humiliation.