Meow.  My eyes are lidded, my limbs heavy.  There is no conscious thought awaiting my fingers.  Just typing.

The old image of self is officially dead.  He wore a suit.  He worked in an office.  At meetings he spoke when spoken to. 

Today is day #3 of living as a woman.  Mistress is away.  She is well aware, at least of the nature if not the scale of my activities.  I have been stoned, crossdresser and repeatedly hypnotized since the moment She departed.  I sleep where I pass out, open my eyes, and resume binging on the porn that is looping on my browser.

There are moments, alas this is not one of them, where I enjoy a sort of hyper-lucidity; writing stories in my head whilst carrying on conversation.  I like that person.  Relating is easy.

This is not that sort of high.  When alone, even mildly aroused, and then stoned, a magical transformation occurs.  Heidi arrives like the opening scene from an episode of Maude (so, how old am I really?).  Wham!  Typically on the second puff of vape, Wham, I am suddenly hit by the inevitability that I am turning into a feminized sissy faggot transvestite.  On the third puff, it’s all a fait accompli.

Intense?  Oh, fuck!  There are no words.  Dressed and stoned became an addiction the very first time I experienced it.  Literally.  At it’s root, both the crossdressing and the weed are erotic for the same reason:  they stimulate a feeling of being out of control.  I fundamentally most-erotically LOVE being out of control.  So, imagine my astonishment when I discovered online hypnosis files that purport to turn a willing victim into a feminized, sissified, prancing, pink cock-sucking transvestite faggot.  Wow, that must really feel like being out of control!

So, here I am:  a feminized, sissified, prancing, pink cock-sucking transvestite faggot.  How did that happen?!

This morning I’m in red panties and red tights, a red and black bustier with garters, from which I am wearing black fishnet stockings over the red tights.  My tight black party dress is over top, and I’m in the tall strappy red heels.  Understand, this wasn’t some playful fashion experiment.  This outfit makes me feel like I’m breathing a diffuse cloud of pure bliss with hints of ecstasy.  This is me, now.