2018 started...I was making good money. Good job. Lived with gf though it was boring and I wanted to leave two months previously....but I am contacted by my father who I have not spoke to since 86!!!! 30 years. He was an abusive drunk who treated me horribly. Anyway, he is dying...always sorry......closure.....wants to make ammends. 

I visit him about a 9 hour drive. He is dying in the later stages of colon cancer. Mind you not only because of time. We look nothing a like. I mean nothing. I am over 6 foot. He is like 5'8" he is balding, strawberry blonde and I have a full head of light brown hair. This place in an isolated farm not terribly far from Bristol TN. 

I quit my job, move down to help, give him closure...I am going to be a bigger person and give him peace, work on my book and I have savings and I wanted to leave the gf by then 6 months!! 

He passes away. He owns a farm which is never farmed. It is almost 6 acres of dry patches. His finances in disarray. 7 months of ISOLATION. I mean no one around. The closest town has 7,000 people. Bristol is farther...my father is on the VA side. No night life. 

Okay beyond just being horny. I have no human touch other than my father who is a stranger and we are nothing a like beyond appreciating David Bowie. I am wiping him, cleaning him, writing a cathartic book. I go bankrupt. With lawyers and leans, my bills without income....

Come back up here and nothing. I keep to myself mostly because I grew up in an area known for alcohol and drug abuse and being I do not....I usually hungout with whomever I was dating or worked A TON. 60 hours week even though salaried for 40. 

Depression, isolation but I wrote a great fucking book. About a month ago though when I realized the dire situation I reached out to my mother whom I have not spoken to in a decade. Well she was called when I almost died by my suicide attempt. Hospitalized for 11 days. The nurse tells me, "she sounds like a real bitch." This is the sweetest older nurse too. 

I miss companionship so much. Yes like anyone I love sex and I was really good at it. Loved kissing. But again I have not even held hands with a girl. Now I went flat broke and I have been living in my car. I have a post graduate degree and good work history and my two friends I talk to (one in Western PA and one in NY) our flabbergasted that I will not take anything. I tell them that hurts your resume and for the first time in my life I have a huge work gap.....

I do not drink. I have no interest in going to a bar. I do not have the money. I would never get a hooker even if I had money. Besides I am attractive. I just have nothing to offer as far as a relationship. I am broken inside. How could I convey all this into asking for a woman's companionship? You cant. And it is fucking cold out.