Simply, Wow!

It’s day #2.  I just indulged in a solid daily dosage of medication, so the trajectory of this note is uncertain.

But then again, words may not be necessary.  Yesterday was simply indescribable.  Nevertheless...

The combination of weed and Alternative Medication (AM) was delicious and weird.  I start out horny, with a willing and responsive wee sissy dick.  The weed makes me - well, read this blog.  The AM comes on slower, and somewhat more insidiously.  Friends’ descriptions vary, but for me, it symptoms consist of an initial odd refraction of time (it slows, slows, then stops, then restarts...), I also feel wonderfully disindividuated, where everything that happens is at a distance.  (“Oh, look there goes my hand again.  It’s scratching my chin.”). I feel incredibly lethargic, as if every physical movement requires a long pre-deliberative decision.  The most distinct sensation was becoming directly sensible of the uncertainty in every thought and percetion.  I slowly became more uncertain and indecisive about everything, until I had the wonderful belief that I wasn’t there.  Yet, a consciousness hovered.  All was peace.  I kept muttering, “Beautiful,” and “It’s so perfect.”  A velvet bliss descended upon me.  I recall thinking that if I knew I was going to die, I would want to be on AM.  All is well.  

I could go on.  I hope I remember my crazy-assed fantasy about Mistress going away in preparation for my imminent death, and how it seemed so right, and it turned me on crazily.  Yeah, that’ll be fun to explain.  Shit, and that was just day #1.  Oh, and I went to bed last night in drab, committed to playing it cool for the rest of Her absence.  It’s 11:08 AM.  

The combination of the porn, the rather repressed crossdressing, the weed and the AM...fuck.

Well, I’m at it again. Feeling distinctly woozy, but in a good way.  Later...