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Rules of Devotion
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Be mean to me.
Question and correct little things. If she says she loves
ice cream, tell her she doesn’t. If she says she’s 20, tell her she’s
actually 20 ½. If she names her favorite movie, tell her you think it’s
actually something else.
Be relentless. Make sure any argument goes on longer than it should, but never give up on your point.
Don’t let her forget when she was wrong. Bring up any mistake she’s made as proof that she can’t be taken seriously now.
Smile. When she’s talking, always have a smile on your face. Like she’s being adorable for trying to make a point.
Repeat yourself. Make sure that if you want her to believe something, you say it over and over in casual conversation.
Use the phrase “everybody knows.” “Everyone knows men and women are different.” “Everyone agrees that you’re too bossy.”
Act like you don’t understand. Whenever
she expresses an idea that you don’t want her to have, act like she’s
not making sense. Look at her quizzically, or ask “I don’t get it. Could
you say that again? That doesn’t make sense.”
Never apologize, always expect an apology. Never say you’re sorry, but ask her to apologize for being upset or arguing or making things difficult.
She’s being crazy. Whenever your arguments make her upset, remind her that she’s getting upset, sensitive or crazy.
Rewrite the past. If
she tells a story about something that happened, tell her that you
remember it differently. Tell her she has a terrible memory. Make
yourself an authority on her own life story.
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Posted on : Jul 16, 2018
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