So finally my partner and I about to have sex (first time in ages) and then she complains it hurts. Now I'm not the kind of jerk to carry on regardless so we stop (yet again) and so I don't get any (again) I do all the work in the foreplay and then always have to stop. 

It's getting me down now because i suggest other things we could do, even using toys to loosen her up but that is always swatted away with 'its weird' or 'we don't need toys'

It is making me start to feel not loved or appreciated in the bedroom. Is it me? Am I being a jerk? Or is it no wonder that I want to wear womens clothing and fantasise fucking my ass with my own dildo?