So Allie read my blog entry and kindly helped me understand why I am failing her. Then she generously allowed me to watch while she gave herself an Orgasm with her big dildo, called Jez for obvious reasons.

Once she was showered and dressed, Allie told me to make amends for last night. I am to:

1. Return Jez's car to him and walk back, about 6 miles. It's a sunny day so that's good, but Allie wants me to do it in my embarrassing spandex shorts that show off my lack of a bulge.

2. I'm to offer to wash Jez's car for dirtying it by driving it back to him.

3. I'm to make it clear that I want Jez to call round to see Allie and that I think it is great how much she obviously enjoys seeing him. (Genuinely don't know if I can do this, but I intend to try)

4. Ask Jez if Allie seemed unresponsive when she was married to him, because she is with me and doesn't seem to enjoy sex with me, and this full well knowing he gave her multiple orgasms! (I think I can manage this as a sort of bloke confidant chat type thing)

Overall, it feels like this is being pushed to the point of no return, but my options seem completely limited. It's like going along with it and accepting my role as the wimp husband enables me to be a part of my wife's sexuality, or I can take offence and simply push myself away which both hurts Allie and me.

Scared again, as always seem to be lately, but also how I adore and cherish my wife. It feels like I am clinging onto the hem of her sexuality for dear life.