Once again I wake up, today is Monday January 8th 2018, with amazing clarity of who I am and how I fit in my sexual world. I have been through a terrifying year in 2017 which brings me to where I am, and rather than looking back at the bad year it was, instead I recognize some amazing things about myself that I wanted to put out in the hopes I would find somebody who would understand my value in what I have to offer. I think it is an amazing time in history to associate with being a feminine, sissy, bisexual cross dresser. I am in awe of how many people, men in particular, are accepting of and attracted to cross-dressers, shemales, trans girls, emo bois/twinks/traps, etc as being sexy, alluring, and desirable. I happen to be obsessed with and possessed by shemale porn. I could spend a good part of the rest of my life, and probably will, watching men dressed as women fuck, suck, and role play, especially young men, pleasuring each other, being pleasured, living out their fantasies of being women.

The whole whole allure of how it feels to be a female in a man's body, the wonders, the warmth experienced by dressing like a woman, is indescribable. I cross dress every chance I get, and cannot describe fully how wonderful I feel when I cross dress, being a woman, looking at myself in the mirror, touching myself while in women's clothes. The most amazing part of all this is having sex with men, now that I associate with being a woman and dressing like one. I started having sex with men with giving blowjobs to about 7 men over the last 5 or 6 years. It hasn't been easy finding men who I am attracted to enough to do that. It was quite awkward to do it the first time, but not TOO awkward!. Fortunately it happened to be a guy who turned out to be a business client of mine, and as we got to know each other better, it became obvious we both wanted the same thing. For me to give him blowjobs. Which I did. And I loved every minute of it. And so did he. I've even advertised for sex online, on Craigslist and other porn sites, to little, but some, success. That is an exciting thing to do, especially when I find myself honest, open, and sincerely yearning for the touch, smell and taste of another man, the love of other men. And the absolute understanding of how far I have gone into the realm of accepting the fact that I love men as much as I love women.

I have written a blog post about how I get into cross dressing in the first place. It is a bit interesting, something you might go read to get to know more about me. But my endeavor going past just cross-dressing and my understanding of how much I love men is very interesting indeed. I consider myself very much a feminine, soft, delicious bottom, and soon will foray into experimenting with being submissive to those dominant over me. I love being soft and warm for men, enjoy gentle touch, kisses, smiles, but do feel like playing a slut at times, and fully submitting to pain, humiliation, being tied and handcuffed, being leashed, caged, forced, spanked, whipped, watched...yum!

My dress style is very scant but sexy, though at this point I have only tried to be truly passable a few times. I have found to my pleasure there are lots of men out there who find me sexy, being a fairly furry guy who puts on women's clothes, jewelry, and wigs, walks like a woman, talks and acts like a woman, and feels like a woman. I love being wanted by men. Yes, it is mostly the sexual Instinct of the men to want to get off while with me, but I get to have sex with men while dressed as a woman, which has got to be the most erotic and sensual thing I ever could have discovered. It's like my brain is getting fucked with all the pleasure, pain, and desire that accompanies bodily sex!

I would love to role-play being a man's wife. I would cook, clean, dress sexy, speak only when spoken to, and give my man the pleasure, relief, and release that he wants and needs on a daily basis, orally and anally. I would do this for his friends too if my man desired. On video to be be put online. I have advertised to that effect, that of wanting to be a man's wife, quite a few times online. The unfortunate thing about websites like Craigslist, is that the types of guys who are on there don't tend to be my type, they aren't necessarily what I envisioned as being the men who I would want to be with having sex. Nor do they act respectful or thoughtful (a gurl like me thinks they should until under the sheets where they can totally degrade me if they want). Selection for a male partner is a very interesting process indeed. I find when I go out in my day, as a guy, at work, play, wherever, I look at men and ask myself if I could imagine having sex with that person. I like to peak at men's crotches. It can be a bit tedious to really work at finding someone to have sex with, but as deeply as I am endeavoring into finding male mates, it is worth every bit of energy that I put toward finding sex partners.

Now more about me. I am definitely very much what would be envisioned as being the proverbial bottom in a relationship and while having sex. And I love that. My understanding of being a bottom has not come about by some random choice on my part, but through years of sensing how I feel and think while watching all forms of male with male sex. That I necessarily related to people on the bottom manifested itself on my becoming more feminine every day, and wanting to be the one presenting the mind, body and soul to both actively pleasure men and to passively off orifices for men to utilize to get off their way. I am truly a very feminine guy deep in my soul - my spirit moves me to do all this, to play the role of a feminine guy who would rather pleasure men than be pleasured. I do love to be pleasured orally, and most certainly would love fucking and relieving myself bareback inside another man's ass, but if given the opportunity, I would play out the role of taking care of my man's needs.

My movements, thoughts, mannerisms are all very feminine and sissy in nature. The limp wrist, the female walk, twirling my hair, wearing softer fluffy clothes, changing my favorite color to pink. I love being a soft sensual woman within a man's body! I fantasize all the time about giving oral to men, I find it as my duty to pleasure in the most incredible way using my hands, fingertips, lips, tongue, mouth and throat on a man to bring about the pleasure, the moans, the body movements that I was put on this planet to bring about. Since I have such a genuine and honest lust for pleasuring men orally, I have gotten quite good at it, not through lots of practice, though that has helped, it is more through the understanding of both how much I want to pleasure, and understanding how I have been pleasured in my life and translating that to understanding how I CAN pleasure men. I'd venture to say, better than most.

I love performing oral on men. I notice their scent when I nuzzle their balls. No differently than women have a scent, men do also. I love getting naked in bed with men, wearing high heels, a butt plug, a wig, dog collar, more about that later, maybe some stockings, and definitely lipstick. If a man likes it, I love kissing, sensual french kissing. Softly touching each other. I love to start working my way down to what I like to do best. Pleasuring my man orally. As I work my way down to the pleasure zone, I love to stop along the way to kiss my partners neck, to kiss and suck nipples, nuzzling my mouth, my nose, my face in the body hair as I work down toward the belly. Love softly kissing and touching gently with my fingertips around the belly area as I'm working down. I like to touch the inner thighs and the balls with my soft hands and fingertips, as I start licking the head of my man's cock. I lick a lot when I suck, so I start licking and softly touching and stroking the shaft with my hands and fingertips. I take lots of time to take care of my man, and I love the process of working to the end game, which is getting my man to ejaculate very intensely, painfully really, but with the penultimate pleasure. And I love to swallow it all. That to me is kinky, and is an expression of my true love for my man, and for my lust for pleasuring my man.

It is really a primal thing when I think about swallowing sperm and semen, that emanate from my man's testicles. I radiate with warmth and excitement when I feel his shaft get bigger, and I can feel the veins sticking out with my tongue, and I feel the head of his cock pulsing in my mouth as he spurts his ejaculation fluid into my mouth with pleasure. Sperm has a very distinct flavor and scent, which I gobble up with reckless abandon. I swallow every single drop I can get to come out. That is one of the true manifestations of the actual love I feel for my partner at that moment. My blowjobs are amazing, my whole existence gets focused on that moment, knowing what I know, and reading new things in his movements, sounds and moans, that might make my present man enjoy something more than somebody else did for him previously. I can deep-throat, I love to stroke and lick, I love tasting pre-cum, I love licking and touching a man's balls, as I am sucking and licking and throating his shaft up and down and licking back and forth with my tongue. And I know, being a guy, how to make a man ejaculate as intensely as possible with a tremendous amount of pleasure and relief.

I adore the penis and testicles, I love looking at them when I watch porn online. I love how cock and balls move when men are having sex. And I love watching men, especially when they are dressed as women, having anal sex with each other. That brings me to new horizons I want to explore. Anal sex with men. I never thought I would be interested in anal with men, but I have been practicing taking dildos inside myself, and know very deeply in my being that I was meant to provide anal pleasure for my partners as well as oral. I want men inside me, bareback of all things, and to pleasure themselves as they provide me with pain, pleasure, excitement and lust for more, deeper, gently working to seed my pleasure hole, my pussy to a man like a woman does. There are surely elements to having sex with men that include kink, a sense of being bad, being perverted, trying something new, doing something that needs to remain a secret...but I see it as a true expression of my love and need for providing pleasure for men. I want to feel men inside me and I especially want to feel men ejaculate deep inside my body. I want to help men get the relief they need instinctually as the sexual characters men are. I want to experience how it feels getting a man off inside my pussy, and I want this to happen with many men. And I want men to tell them tell their friends about me. I am not a slut, but rather a lover of clean, gentle, sober men. I want a lair of clean men who admire, appreciate and enjoy a warm, delicious, accommodating female like me.

A little about me leading up to this. I am a very clean person, I shower often, I manicure my body, smell good, I eat well, and I take care of myself. I recently bought a douche bottle and have been practicing cleaning out my pussy in preparation for having as clean anal sex as possible. I lubricate myself with a nice lube, and I like to wear a 17in pink fox tail butt plug to keep myself ready for when my man arrives. I plan on greeting my men at the door of my hotel room in high heels with my butt plug in, a wig, lipstick, maybe a bra, and pink fishnet gloves and that's all. I feel incredibly sexy only being partly cross-dressed, with my cock out, though I just ordered a bunch of new really nice women's stuff to wear that will make me much more passable in appearance for those men who are more comfortable with that. I don't do much of all this for men as much as I do it for myself. That is probably true of a lot of us cross dressers and shemales. I am mostly looking to live out a complete soul deep lust, yearning and need for being a woman and for my intense desire for experiencing all that goes along with having sex with men.

As I have been thinking about all this, I realize how much control I have over men when I provide my mind, body and soul for their pleasure. It is definitely a two-way street as far as both of us getting an intense amount of pleasure, intensity, and emotion out of having sex. But I truly am in this mostly for me. I want to be a woman, I WILL be a woman, I will have sex with men I choose, and I will control the situation in every respect. I can only imagine how incredibly exciting, erotic, kinky, dark, and perverted this all will be when I experience it, especially anal sex with men. Both giving and receiving. I will make this happen soon. I am very clean, sober, and discriminating, very aware of all the pitfalls of taking chances like this. I know what I'm looking for and I have a tremendous sense of intuition and I will know when things are right. I have waited my whole life for this moment, and I know I am about to experience truly being all woman, inside and out. It is very invigorating, exciting, and wonderful to think about all the man sex I'm going to have. Lots of pleasure, intensity, role play, fantasies. I'm sure lots of mutual play, as I also enjoy receiving oral and I would love to fuck other men in the ass as well. Especially when they are also wearing women's clothes.

Feeling the excitement, honesty, and openness of a sexual life being dressed as a woman, and being with men who enjoy that and who might possibly do the same thing, has made sex with men not just okay, but something that I absolutely refuse to live without. I don't see this as being anything other than perfectly acceptable, and a responsibility that is mine forever. I see it has expressing love for other men. I love women, would do anything to, with, and for a woman, and actually would love to find an open-minded woman to be in my life, who would understand what I enjoy and would want to be part of it. She would most certainly be invited to be involved with all of it. I have never felt more alive than I do now, and I can only imagine how remarkable my sexual life is going to be going forward fucking and sucking men. If this turns you on, you can find my contact information in my profile somewhere, whether I've added it to my pictures, or descriptions of pictures, profile information, etc.

I am truly a woman, a warm, open, lustful, perverted, kinky girl who loves delicious man sex. There are some limits, but for the most part this is going to be beautiful unbridled expression of man love and lust. I'm touching myself now thinking about it. I touch myself all the time.

Enjoy your day. I have truly become a sissy and feminine oral and anal princess. I would have it no other way. And I want everyone to know.

Kisses.