WARNING: This will get descriptive and messy graphic like scat.

I just finished a 4 hour anal session. It is my absolute most fun to thing to waste time on and unwind/work out/feed my kink. 

And after 4 hours, 11pm to 4 am (yes I know that is 5 I took breaks), of hard fucking my ass with my favourite big black dildo I have some take always and aims for more fun.

I had not prepared, though I was clean on the outside. So I clean off well and oil up, stroke the dildo a bit get it wet and a little warmer. Make sure my ass is good and relaxed and lubed up and begin to press the head of the dildo into my ass. It takes a few minute to open up properly for it. It is 5cm wide and 24 long but the head swells to a little wider. So it pops in at first and spreads all ahead of it nicely. Unfortunately it opened me up to poop as well. First a lot, then a bit more a few minutes later and then some messy remains mixed with oil. Nothing extreme, I cleaned as I went and I was in my bathroom anyway I just had to be a bit quiet. So I had a nice warm shower to make my extended bathroom stay sound more legitimate.  Now nice and prepared, cleaned, opened up and relaxed I can get into a proper rhythm.

All of that gets me into a complete mess. The feeling after about 2 hours is amazing. Running the head of the dildo (the one I am holding in my profile pic) over my prostate sets lightening running through me. I go completely weak and have to slow down or stop when it finally spreads my anus open wider at the end of a good long stroke. The best feeling ever!

This leaves my limp dick tingling and leaking as I slide up and down the length. I try to keep going as I can feel a complete collapse coming, total cross eyed, black out, can't stand orgasm but I can never manage to get there. My body just gives up and I can't make a lot of suspicious noise so I cannot push it over the top. So I carry on over and over getting to the edge and stopping. All this time I have been standing and it has been about 3 hours now so my feet are sore. I take some breaks but then my ass aches for more it just feels too good. So it keeps going and it is amazing but then I get worn out quickly. It is a vicious cycle.

Rather disappointingly I can never get the big finish I so desperately need, just a leaky, dripping, ass aching frustration. This is mostly because where I live is not a great place to try and get up to no good, people can hear you, floors squeak bath is boomy and creaky. I am too weak to be able to finish myself. I would love to get one of those fucking machines that you can set the speed and depth of the dildo, just need something silent. And while I love the whole sissy, femboy, gay side of my sexuality and it is getting the exercise it needs it is not being explored enough in the real world. I am too far physically from the fun people and places, so those would be nice to get to in the future. Unfortunately for me right now I am not physically up to standard in my eyes, I definitely like a type of guy and I would like to also be on that same level physically. It is nothing extreme but I am more BoBandy than trap/femboy. I can definitely work on that but it goes along with not being around the people I want and the resources for it.

So while above is where I am at right now. My mind races and has some wild fantasies. Since I can't push my self over the edge and lose control and all ready want a machine, I would love to try the real world equvielant of it and have a gang bang. Multiple guys, all different dicks, no stopping, comfortable positions for them to just keep going. Round after round new guy keep going till they are all satisfied, no rest for me cum spilling out of my gaped aching hole. Or being tied up in a public toilet for any one to open the stall door and us. Gagged and blind folded, ass ready, lube available or not whatever you like. When they are done with me there are dildos and plugs beside me to keep my plugged and ready for the next guy. Those are my fucked up fantasies where I am basically not in control and just used, all this time writing  this I did not have a boner until thinking about that fantasy. 

I badly want to cum, while jacking off is a means to an end I so want to cum from my ass being fucked hard.

Addendum:

After writing all of this and thinking things over I went looking for some new toys. I have had my eye on a few, thicker ones though I also want some textured ones like rough. Some of the one you see in hentai are obscene and really thrilling, I wish they existed. So I am seriously considering buying something new for a late Christmas early birthdy present. I also love kinky underwear, despite my physique, and was looking for one of those backless jock strap type pairs in wild colours to keep my dick nice and secure while leaking but still have access to my ass for toys. Also getting some of them then. Lastly thinking of some viberators, maybe a wireless one I can leave inside as o go round off or low and then turn it one with the remote when I want to be naughty. 

Many ideas, we will see.