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Lemmings think it's all just a lark. They're strolling on a sunny day, chattering happily about very important lemming topics (which is probably which particular lemming at work is a shitbag for how he talks to people, and how people are getting fed up to here with his shitbag attitude! I digress...)
Suddenly, it's not all such fun for the lemmings. Cliff! Over they go. Be careful what you wish for.
See how I slipped in that cautionary last part? Ah, well, that brings us to my experience. For a while now I've been spit-roasting myself on the three flames of weed, crossdressing and hypnosis. Weed, crossdressing and hypnosis...around and around I go, until now I'm just a charred cinder in a corset with a dufus expresssion on her face*.
The game was to pretend feminize myself. Deeper and deeper. Expert mind manipulation. It was an erotic buzz. It was all a game, of course. Except that it wasn't, and I'm just now mustering the stunned awe that will utlimately lead to a shrill scream of astonishment. For now, yes, I have indeed feminized myself! The rocket fuel that powers this erotic engine is the hypnotic curse that I get aroused by things that make me feel effeminate.
I don't know where the idea came from. Who put the curse there? Me. Take a moment to let that sink in. Okay, do I get this straight? I often get drugged, crossdressed and hypnotized; the purpose of which is to make me more of a sissy faggot transvestite submissive? Yup. And the problem is that it's succeeding? Yup. And, so? Well, first of all, holy shit! Second, this feminization urge has exploded to the point where the only things that arouse me are those that expose me as a frilly pink pansy sissy faggot fuck toy.
There's a third thing. Third thing: I like it! I like turning into a mind-fucked brainwashed feminized submissive sissy faggot transvestite hypno-slave. It feels incredible!
There is one problem, however. Remember the cuddly little lemmings, and the mean ol' cliff? Well, it's abundantly clear that I will be unable to return to a hetero-normative suburban male straight husband role. I am a faggot. I need to be a faggot. I need to live as a (it even gets tedious in my head...) mind-fucked brainwashed feminized submissive sissy faggot transvestite hypno-slave. I can't turn it off. I can't be a sissy fag part-time. Here's the issue: the same mystical process that makes me feel like a slutty girl also turns my penis into a passenger. It's dead. What astonishes me is that the entire feminized experience, even without a functioning penis, is still so erotic that I wouldn't change a thing! I couldn't change a thing. I didn't realize it until the ship had sailed, but my penis won't be participating in sex any longer. It's a set-up: anything that arouses me will make me want to dress, and dressing makes me feel all feminine (aided in most cases by liberal applications of weed - legal in our jurisdiction, I hasten to add), and feeling feminine, although erotic, makes my penis turn into PlayDo. I'm stuck. My Lovely Wife, even if She does agree to be my Mistress, will surely tire of trying to awaken my wee sissy penis. Shortly, the new status quo will be that I service my Mistress as she asks, and I commit to chastity befiting a sissy faggot. The chastity makes me feel more feminine, and the circle continues...
Ultimately, Mistress gets everything she desires except my penis (cuckholdery an option), and I get to lay at Her feet, dressed as a sissy faggot transvestite, and listening to my hypnosis files to further deepen my submission.
Returning to lemmings...
My Mistress gets the everlasting erotic devotion of Her sissy, and gets to fuck anyone She wants;
Sissy gets to lay at the end of the bed, worshiping Mistress' feet, wearing a sissy faggot fuck doll costume, obeying every command like a mindless sissy faggot submissive. Oh, and I never get to fuck my lovely Wife again.
Be careful what you wish for!
/Heidi
* It was just since my last post that I've accepted the pronoun, "her." A lot has changed in my perspective recently.
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