I recall the night that I came out to my Wife.  I was high - and I think She was too - and it aroused me terribly to flirt with the idea of telling Her that I was a crossdresser.  The idea made me so horny that I eventually just blurted it out as I came.  It was glorious, however the cat was decidedly out of the bag!  (In fact, it was not quite out of the bag.  Wife decided that maybe She didn't hear me, and offered me a chance to keep my secret a secret - although She already in fact knew.  I persisted.  Good decision.  Anyway...) Once the thought of spilling a secret begins to assume erotic dimensions, I know that I'm doomed to eventually spill it.  

Which brings me to now.  As usual, I'm not quite sure what The Wife knows and/or suspects.  Not that there are any more secrets, except perhaps for the contents of my head.  Despite that fact that we haven't had a discussion about it, there can be little mystery left to anyone who is even remotely astute.  To wit...

Coming out was a Big Deal.  I have been crossdressing compulsively and nearly daily since I came out to Wife.  Before that the dressing was merely compulsive, but not daily and not so openly.  Everything feels different now.  I dress - at least partially and discretely - in the clear with The Wife.  She doesn't exactly relish it, and it's certainly not Her erotic cup of tea, but she tolerates me with good humour.  I have been behaving increasingly submissively toward Her, if you count such things as making nearly all of the meals, doing the shopping, applying lotion to Her lovely legs every morning, rubbing Her feet when she watches TV, etc.  

If that were too subtle (after all, housework is hardly "woman's work," even if it does turn me on), then perhaps our sex life better tells a tale of someone in the thrall of submissive cravings.  Nearly every evening sees me falling asleep at the foot of the bed, often wearing a nighty and stockings, with Her feet in my face as we both drift off, well, what's that if not submissive...

It has been a long time since we had Normal Hetero-Married Sex," by which I mean I romanced Her, kissed her body into arousal, and stuck my erect penis inside of Her.   What has changed?  I'm mainly only aroused now by the rush of feeling feminized, stoned and submissive.  The most intense excitement comes from my own helplessness.  Truth to tell, weed seems to quickly send my penis into its own form of flaccid trance.  What is left is typically a stoned, crossdressed, tranced, submissive sissy faggot slut; one who would do anything for Mistress' pleasure.  As for my own pleasure, it mainly consists of prancing around in heels, feeling like a mindless brainwashed sissy fuck toy, because of course that is exactly what I have become.  What really turns me on are things that drag my smooth pink effeminate ass deeper down the Rabbit Hole, and things that leave me down there for a long time.  

You see, my gender snapped.  Broken.  The old, male bits got a bit brittle.  What is left is another creature altogether:  I am a sissy faggot transvestite mind-fucked brainwashed submissive hypno-slave.  That's what I am.  It's what I see when I look in the mirror.

Deeper.  I need to go deeper.  The current erotic tripwire in my head centers on the word, "submissive."  I've never used the word with my Wife.  Of course, She knows and suspects something, but as always I don't really know what She is thinking.  I want to beg to be turned into Her sex slave.  I want to spend my days in a mindless, stoned state of brainwashed submissive bliss.  I want to be dressed and forced to serve Her every whim.  I want to be tied up, drugged, dressed, teased and trained.  I want to be called "slave, faggot, sissy, maid..."  I want to call my Wife "Mistress" for now on, lest I be punished.  I want to submit utterly.  I want to be trained to obey.  

Yeah..."I want."  Truth is that my Wife is not exactly a Domme.  She's a kind, soft, wonderful, gentle person.  She's exactly what I need.  I don't want to change a thing, and I don't want to pressure Her.  But I think I need to tell Her that I'm a sissy, faggot, transvestite submissive.  She ought to know.