When I see what I want, I have a need to pour myself into acquiring the object of my desire. What I never intended was to also give myself completely to those desires. Here is where my decent into attending the Black Mass first really began.

          I had been very confused about religion most of my life, I could never quite accept that God would create us to enjoy things but at the same time punish us for actually enjoying them. I felt lost because I believed that God and his Angels existed, I knew in my heart that souls were real, I just could not except a higher power that would set me up for failure intentionally. At a party I was at I expressed these views to the group I was with. A woman came up to me and quietly suggested I attend Mass with her. I told her I already had a church and changing churches would not change the Bible and the intent of it’s message. The woman simply smiled, handed me an address, and said “This is not the kind of church you will want to miss”. I admit, even though I knew she was being vague as a way to gain my interest, I still found myself intrigued.

          For the next several days I debated over whether I wanted to go or not, and told myself that this was just church and it wasn’t a big deal. I decided that I would go, and once I proved that it was nothing more than a variant of the same crap I already was being fed, I would leave. So Sunday came around and I got dressed in my tightest pair of yoga pants, no panties or bra, and a shirt that could easily make my tits viewable. I had decided I would go dressed as I normally did and see how they reacted. I went to the address she had provided and saw that it was a house, a very large house in Scottsdale, Arizona; which is extremely wealthy and known for having rich uppity yuppies. When I arrived a very pretty woman in a maid uniform answered the door, I handed her the paper I was given, she said “You are right on time, Mass will be starting soon”. She led me down stairs into what appeared to be a basement refitted to resemble a Church. When I arrived, I saw maybe 40 people all sitting in the pews, dressed very much like they were attending any normal Sunday Christian Church.

          The woman I was invited by came out not long after, wearing Dark Red robes laced with Black Silk and several sashes and cords draped around her neck and flowing down the robe. I realized that I had been getting high with one of the Reverends of the Church, and instantly laughed. She saw me and just smiled, held a finger to her lips, and began some crazy chant, as a man came out wearing similar robes, but his were even more decorated. Then the woman began speaking, her words were clear and her voice like an enchanting melody, she began speaking of God and the gifts he gave upon the world, she spoke of all the miracles of Jesus and all the great men and women who have been uplifted by Christianity. As I found myself listening and thinking perhaps God is not so bad, her voice became mocking as she said “What a joke these people have played upon us”. Her narrative changed and she spoke of the horrors created by religion, of the atrocities committed in the name of the Father, the Son, and The Holy Ghost. That is when I noticed the pentagram and realized where I was.

          My first instinct was to run, I wanted to get away from this unclean unholy place, but a man sitting next to me sensed my unease and placed his hand on my leg, he said I am safe here, and I had nothing to fear. I then went back to listening, I learned that this was not a sex crazed cult like everyone always assumes Satanists are, I learned they believe in the rule of law, the path of truth, and punish those who break these things. After it ended, the man remained seated as did several others, the male Leader of the Black Mass had never spoke, he simply remained seated. The others got up, leaving to go home now that church was over. I attempted to get up, but the man sitting next to me held me firm. After they left, the lights darkened, a pipe was handed to me by the woman who had silently sat next to me. She helped me get spun while the Leader spoke for the first time. “We believe in what?” he asked. “Pleasure of the flesh”, the others answered. That is when I watched as a woman was inducted into what he called “The high sect of the Black Mass”.

          The Black Church I was attending did turn out to be a cult devoted to sexual sin and pleasure, with few limits and morals. My age was far younger than it should have been, and I was inducted only a month later, used by him and the other male leaders of the Church. But during my time there, I did begin to learn what it meant to serve another higher power. I have since refined my beliefs in the Church of Satan, and attend a real Black Mass that is not cult like. However, I have formed a strong bond with my belief that we do have souls dear friends; believe me they exist. They are that spark in all of us that connect us to heaven. They are that piece, created by God, that makes us part of his eternal world. However; they are leashes, chains that hold us back, and keep us enslaved. The soul convinces us that pursuit of pleasure and indulging our desires is wrong and goes against our nature. I say that is the biggest lie of all. The soul is God's version of a microchip and a shock collar that keeps us tagged and causes us pain when we go against God's wishes. For that reason, I believe in darkening our soul through drugs, depravity, and tainting his most innocent of enslaved followers.

          When I smoke or slam meth, I offer myself to sin. I enjoy allowing sin to engulf me and own me. When I was young a man gave me some meth, I was young and stupid; I didn't know any better. After 4 hits, next thing I knew 1 man was in my ass, another my pussy, and a third pounding my mouth. I gave my soul to cock and meth that day. Meth makes the innocent submit to lust of sin. I had a dream once that I was alive during the time of Jesus. Satan sent me down to corrupt his soul. Even though Jesus has overcome Satan's temptations in the desert, in my dream, I fuck him for hours and hours, using every drug and alcohol available at the time until he impregnates me and begs me for more. I would then offer mine and Jesus's child (a girl) to Satan, and give Satan the son of God. All I would ask in return is to be an immortal whore, fed drugs and cock forever while training God's granddaughter to be an evil sinful whore.