I don't know what to call this blog entry.  SitRep.  Catharsis.  Horny rambling.

22:30 at our place.  Wife went to bed with a sore tummy.  We had planned "date night," wherein we have slinky sex on the couch, eat snacks, and fall happily into bed.  Wife had a lovely, loud and decorous orgasm early in the proceedings.  Then, as is my preference, okay fetish, I lay back to worship her stocking feet.  She was gloriously sexy, but penis wouldn't rise to the occassion.  Somehow, after a long day filled with anticipation and fantasy, I just wasn't into it.  Hell, I was still mildly, if very furtively, stoned.  That usually brings on a trainload of horny, even if it does also complicate erections.

In truth, I wanted to prance upstairs and put on a Basque, garters, stockings, high heels and a dress.  I wanted to swish around the house dressed as a sissy faggot.  That'd have turned me on!

But, something tells me that isn't the whole story either.   Then again, I don't know.  Being this far down the Rabbit Hole is a new experience for me.  Light hardly penetrates to this depth.  Trans-erotic compulsions have been my entire existence for months.  All I seem able to think about is sissification!  If I was looking for a turn-on, perhaps I ought to look at the contents of my own imagination; free associating thus: 

Dress as a sissy faggot slut.

Crawl to Wife.  Need Her to dominate me, train me, tease me, control me.

No.  More.  I wanted to be tied up, drugged, hypnotized and programmed to serve my Mistress as a mindless feminized sex toy.    

That's the nub of it.  I can't seem to fully wrap my pink lips around the extent of my transformation.  Wife and I got together for sex last night.  She came.  I worshiped her feet, but stayed inside I stayed limp and pink.  I haven't cum in a week and a half, but ultimately I was pleased that I could keep my mind-altering cum and stay horny.

This morning.  Thursday.  A work day.  I called in sick.  Again.  Second time this week, but both were a secret from Wife.  It's now 08:27.  I slept well in a pink nightie, but kept the tan stockings and garter belt under my pillow.   Within five minutes of Wife leaving for work, I was completely transformed.  Well, not completely.  I changed into a pair of seamed RHT pantyhose, flowered panties, sky blue RHT stockings, 5" blue strappy pumps, pink lipstick, blond wig and makeup.  Cock is caged, although preternaturally quiet again this morning.  (I do love the tug and snug feeling of that cage!)

We spoke briefly over breakfast.  Wife still maintains that She is enjoying our games.  Her orgasm was intense, and I'm glad because my only concern (Really?!  Your ONLY concern?!) is that She be well cared-for.  Even given the frustration of my self-imposed orgasm denial, I wanted to slip from my chair and kiss Wife's lovely feet.  Making breakfast or doing the dishes gives me an erotic tingle.  YES, I'm a submissive sissy faggot!  Yes!  

The vape is charging.  In a while I will load it and retire to the backyard, tingling all over that I am so exposed and humiliated.  I will smoke a fat vape, and...nothing much will happen.  I have taken WAY too much weed lately, so my tolerance is gigantic.  Nevertheless, episodes of being WAY FUCKING HIGH are an erotic staple in my life.  It seems to deepen and reinforce my feminization and sissification.  Then, as if it were a surprise, I will suddenly think, "Hey, while I'm high as fuck, maybe I should listen to a hypnosis file or two."  That, clearly, is the wire that connects the feedback loop.  Hypnosis files...sometimes they are just a peaceful interlude, but other times it is a trip out of the galaxy into a feminization space that is beyond description!  

There are increasing instances where I put on the hypnosis file and don't remember anything until I come out of trance.  The triggers and behaviours that are installed during trance are usually subtle.  I don't find myself doing a zombie-like cartoon hypnosis shtick.  Then again, look at me!  I can't separate cause and effect in such a messy matrix of stimulus (speaking like a geek for the moment), but something has resoundingly pushed me into the Rabbit Hole.  I credit two things:  sissy hypnosis and Wife's acceptance of me.

Wife and I will need to have a chat.  I need to give my "condition" a name:  I'm quickly becoming a helplessly submissive, extensively feminized sissy fuck doll who needs to be trained, humiliated and forced to obey.  She'll have no idea what I'm talking about.

Fortunately, my lovely Wife has proven very adaptable.  Our "new normal" includes me sleeping some nights in a pink cotton nightie and stockings.  She's used to that sort of behaviour from me periodically.  To my delight, when I came downstairs last weekend for breakfast in a nightie, garter belt and fuschia stockings, She hardly batted an eyelash.  Our "normal" is progressing quite nicely.  It takes a generous dollop of optimism, but I can see us eventually embracing a lifestyle that includes me being trained, dressed, and dominated.  "Normal" has proven a very elastic concept.

Well, it's getting late, and it's time for this sissy faggot transvestite hypno-slave to totter off to bed.