When I was a kid, my buddy "R" and I were climbing trees across the street from his house. I feel out of the tree and hit my face on a fence on the way down. Hitting the ground was no big deal and it didn't hurt me at all except that I sprained a finger a little bit. My face had a scar that took about 20 years to go away. It wasn't a big scar but it was a fucking persistent one.

I never blamed the fence.

The fence wasn't trying to hurt me and if it could have had thoughts, I could have asked the fence to not hurt me and I'd bet that it would have said, "sure thing, little man. No problem. I'm not hurt folks."

The fence was just there doing what a fence does which is stand around and demarcate space for whatever combination of reasons that its builders intended for it. When I would see that fence in the months and years afterwards, I was never afraid of it. I did not dread seeing it when I knew that I would because it was along my path to the mini-mart to get candy or a pop or whatever.

It was the same way with my sister when she did that stereotypical thing and burned her little hand on the stove range. The stove had no malice in its heart and no selfish or manipulative agenda. Neither the fence nor the stove made our lives less fair or burdened us down with cruelty or selfishness or unjust things. We did not fear them or resent them or hate them for what they had done because they had not really done anything. WE had done things and they were simply parts of the way that those things had turned out.

Allow people to control themselves. Always ALWAYS look after the happiness of your lovers at least as much as you look to your own. Do not take away people's control and sense of self-integrity by physical force or any kind of coercion, manipulation, trickery, or bullshit fast-talking weasel-wording. Respect boundaries and people's sense of what they want to explore in their own time and what they don't. Physical injuries and insults heal. Wounds etched and tattoo'd into the heart and mind often last and last and the hurt goes on and on and sometimes never heals. Incest is almost universally reviled and is mostly illegal for these reasons. It's THIS stuff that we must avoid so that we can enjoy and celebrate incest without doing harm.