I'm there.  Now.  It just happened.

I'm a total sissy faggot feminized fuck toy mind-fucked transvestite hypnoslave.

I was a binge-and-purge sporadic crossdresser for over twenty years.  (See earlier Cautionary Tale.)  Things were under control.  Well, there were several marriages, some sundry personal crises, multiple relocations, but always I seemed able to limit my fetish to occassionally buying a pair of stockings.

"It just happened" could be inferred to mean over the last year or several seconds.  Most immediately, the Double Dose (200 mg) medicated peanut butter cup that I ate at 06:07 this morning is kicking in.  Even on an empty stomach, it takes three hours to really arrive.  Edibles are not for the impatient.

Fortunately, I'm not going to make the same mistake as yesterday, when I forgot about the 100mg Cannatonic cap that I ate, and coincidentally lit up the vape when I started writing about 2:50 after I took it.  As always, it reminded me that it was there after precisely three hours.  I chaulk it up to my sissy subconscious getting her revenge.  In any event, it was a very nice kick in the head. No, I'm not going to make that mistake.  Today I did it deliberately.  The vape waits on the table for exactly 09:06.  Hang on...

"It just happened" refers to the sudden rush of sissy eroticism that floods my thoughts as the weed hits.  It's blissful.  I just suddenly feel like "me" again, although it's a whole different "me."  It's a peculiar feeling.  I experience a sudden intense realization, a certitude, that I am a feminized sissy fuck toy.  I feel real.  Free.  Enabled.  Aroused.  Predatory.  Sensual.  Feminine.  The weed is a catalyst.  

"it just happened" could also mean that the last few months, maybe a year, has seen me fall farther down the Rabbit Hole than I ever imagined.  I finally know that I am broken; no longer a "normal" straight male.  It is utterly inevitable that I will continue to dress ever sluttier, crave submission ever deeper, and pursue my transformation into a mindless feminized sissy faggot cock sucker transvestite hypnoslave.  I need it.  Crave it.  Submit to it.

It is 09:06.