I had met a girl, Karen, who was four years older than me. We had hit it off as casual friends. We had never dated, she had always had a boyfriend. Some part of me was holding onto hope that she could be simply a normal friend who was a girl.  I was purposefully not getting close to her, or flirting etc. She was good looking enough, and friendly. I wanted to confide in her some of the things I was feeling. My employer had gotten a complaint about my somewhat forward behavior at one of the weddings, and kind of had me on probation - downloading and stocking the photos, keeping the equipment in good order, but not going to events.

Karen called me wondering if maybe I wanted to meet her for a drink. I lept at the chance, really hoping we could just talk and get to build on having a friendship, etc. Well, as luck would have it, or misluck, she had broken up with her boyfriend/fiance, and had (correctly) had me pegged as a perfect 'rebound' guy... And as soon as she sat down and we started talking, I saw that look in her eye. That look I think I mentioned that girls get. That I some how had become attune to. And I knew. And it was like I was excited and disappointed and paralyzed all at once. It was like something in my brain clicked, and I all at once turned-on the thing I do.. the way I talk, what I say, how I act. The kind of attention I give a woman that for some reason makes them want to...

Part of me was actively trying to fight it. Like I was attempting to rouse some self-respecting resistance to what I knew was coming. But no. I kept acting that way. And there was a moment when I realized a kind of inevitable defeat of my will.

It was actually this poignient moment. Kind of humiliating despite myself. It was a moment I had been watching myself sliding toward all evening, unable to stop it, like a deer in headlights.  Karen had invited me in. Karen had put on music. Karen had taken off her dress. 

 And i realized how fucked I was in terms of sex and willpower when I just sat there in my own mind, and watched me push

the had of my penis 

right into her hot slippery 

cunt.