I've had the kind of day where I want to be someone else.

 Therefore, I've had a gin to loosen my morals, and I'm going to try on some clothes that say 'cock-hungry', and look for something pornographic.

After that. I may either go out and do something I'll regret later, or handcuff myself and sit on a vibrator or two until I pass out.

 I've not yet decided which...