Because I have no idea where else to put it where nobody will find it.

I work at a retail box store. It doesn't matter which one, they are all the same. Associates of all stripe, various tiers of management, corporate bullshit. 

I have a thing for a couple of the assistant managers. One male, one female. I don't let those things show. I just pretend the younger guys are super cute, and some are, but they hold little interest for me.

But there is one assistant manager, one who I don't have a thing for but I like very much as a human. He gives me that look. And I just ignore it, but I know that look. That look is that look men give you when they are interested, but can't do anything about how they feel because they aren't willing to get into trouble and lose their jobs and ruin their marriages.

And I don't give the same look back because that feeling isn't really there. I'd probably fuck him if it was in a different setting, but it would just be a fuck and nothing else.

But I'm not going to lie, it makes me feel really fucking good to be looked at like that. I don't know if any of the other men in the store have any thoughts of me (there's a good chance, they are men) but they aren't so obvious. And there's also the chance this guy has no idea he's doing this. He might just be this way. But he wasn't like this when he first met me. It's just been so long since a man has looked at me like he looks at me. That almost makes me want to cry. 

He's also telling me weird things about his personal life and relationships. They aren't inappropriate stories, but they aren't  things most people tell the random person they are supposed to be supervising in a work setting. I told him and two other co-workers a very intense personal story about a guy I dated who murdered three people at a bar/liquor/convenience store. But I don't know if I would have told that story if there wasn't reason (our store sells guns and alcohol and we were having an official thing about alcohol sales).

I can't say anything to anyone anywhere but on here because I don't want to have that conversation with friends or co-workers.  But god, it just feels good to write this things down. Maybe someone will read it and comment. Maybe not. 

Feels so good.