My porn progression--

I started innocently enough with pictures of nonude women models.  Then I discovered videos of women joi, then femdom joi and femdom cei (tho I've never eated my cum).  Freaked me out a bit at first, but decided it was all in fun, so no worries.

A few years ago I was a jerkfix website fan and happened to see some Futanaria videos.  One I saw changed everything--Chelsi Choadload (Ashley Grace) with a huge cock--fake but amazingly realistic, at least to my inexperienced eye.  After only a few seconds of the video I thought she was the sexiest thing I'd ever seen.  It's a femdom joi video--you may have seen it.  She's incredibly hot jerking her big dick and dishing out some hot humiliation.  I jerked off regularly to that vid for a year or more.  Crazy as it sounds, I thought I was in love with her.

In the meantime, I discovered futanari morphs, shemale masturbation, male masturbation, femdom handjobs, women sucking and jerking off studs with big dicks, facials, bukakke, crossdresser masturbation, gay handjobs.  It seems to come (er, cum) down to cocks and femdom humiliation. One or the other or both at once.  And, oh yeah, sissy training vids.

Having read a lot about porn addiction and its effect on the brain, I wonder if my progression from women in bras and panties to all the weird stuff is a result of porn addiction or a natural discovery over time that I've suppressed my love of cock.  Discovering that I l like both women and men, and maybe like cock most of all.  

It can't be proven either way, but when I look back at my life I'd say it's been a natural progression and that without becoming so heavily involved in porn I would've kept suppressing how much I want cock.  In kindegarten, and in first and second grades, I remember times in class when a girl was sitting next to me wearing a skirt and petticoat--remember, this was about 50 years ago--and I could feel them sort of bunched up and pressing on my thigh, and loved the feeling, and wanted to wear what she was wearing.  And glimpses of girls' panties drove me wild with the desire to wear them, too.  I never admitted any of this to anybody, or dwell on it, knowing it was taboo. I liked girls, and they liked me--I was one of the boys they'd chase around the playground. i played sports and was pretty good at all of them, and I was a sports fan. So by the third grade I'd forgotten about my early ache to dress like a girl.  Or suppressed that ache, knowing that was the best way to cope.

In junior high and high school, I had girl friends, but looking back realized I didn't initiate the relationships.  The girls did, and finding them attractive I was happy to go along.  In seventh grade a girl asked me to stay after school and meet her in the library.  I did, and she took me by the hand and led me to the empty dugout of the baseball field.  She took the lead.  We kissed and hugged and that was about it.  In eleventh grade a girl suddenly was always there at lunch or after school, dropping hints about going out on a date.  We did and she showed me the fine art of heavy petting.

I liked girls from age 12 jerked off to images of them in my head, or pictures in magazines, but I was also afraid of being with guys. (to be continued)