I have really tried to turn my back on gurlieness. I cut my hair, stopped shaving my body, threw out the lovely pretty clothes I had collected and arranged to see a therapist. 

She told me there is no cure. Mandi is part of what I am. I am probably transgender. Never thought of myself that way. 

its pointless trying to resist. I'll always fall back into it.

"admit it. You would love to be wearing the blouse and skirt I have on". A lovely white blouse, with a collar, bow and ruffles. A short , tight red skirt..

my mouth is dry. "Yes" I whisper. 

"You may try to stop, but you will always see  something that will awaken the feelings..pretty lingerie in a shop window, or  a girl dressed in something  that excites you, and you will be back again. Isn't that true?"

 "yes".  

There's a range of ways forward. Up to starting on hormones and transitioning. Not just accepting Mandi but being her. An exciting and scary idea.