Six months ago, I was caught masturbating in my garage by a woman neighbour called Mrs Ratton who'd come looking for her missing dog. I was completely naked and it was obvious that I was having a wank. She immediately turned and left, leaving me very, very embarrassed. When I saw her in the street later the same day, she looked through me as if I didn't exist. At first, I felt ashamed then I began to feel angry. It hadn't been my fault that she'd seen me wanking. I liked Mrs Ratton and didn't want to be on bad terms with her. I was also a little worried that she'd spread the story and that everyone would point the finger : Mr Davis is a wanker, a dirty old man, etc. I decided to write her a little explanation and slip it under her door. Here's what I wrote.

Dear Mrs Ratton,

You accidentally discovered me today in an embarrassingly intimate situation which is that I was in the process of masturbating myself nude in my garage. You must have thought this unusual. Of course, I regret that this happened even it was entirely unintentional on my part. I had not expected to disturbed while I wanked. I am writing because I feel I owe you an explanation and would like your understanding for a male habit that you may disapprove of.

As you know, my wife Rosie died three years ago. I am 74 years of age, live on my own and am no longer very interesting to women. I have discovered as I get older that although one's physical capabilities shrink, the libido, the desire for sex, does not. I was beginning to suffer from erectile dysfunction even when Rosie was alive which was already an obstacle to sex à deux. As a result, I have increasingly had recourse to solo masturbation. Since Rosie died, wanking myself has been my only sexual outlet and it has been a source of great pleasure and comfort. Masturbating has become a large part of my life.

I know that many people frown on men's masturbation and think it is something which should be left behind with childhood. Perhaps this is your view. But if you think about it, wanking is not only natural but is the only form of sex available to men who are single because they are too young to be married, or divorced or like me are widowed and unattractive to women. If we were unable to indulge our natural urge to masturbate, we would be condemned to permanent frustration which cannot be seen as a good or healthy situation.

I would be grateful if you could see what happened today in this context. I do not apologise for being a masturbator but I am deeply sorry if you were offended by what you saw so unexpectedly and no doubt unwantedly and hope you will accept this explanation.

Yours, Bill.

The reply came a week later.

Dear Bill,

Yes, I was shocked to see you masturbating naked in that open and vigorous way but not because I disapproved. I felt that I had intruded on a moment of great intimacy and that you might resent it. I don't pretend to know much about men's masturbation, or wanking as you call it, but I'm not unsympathetic to their needs which are so different from we women's. I can even say that I thought the brief glimpse I had of you was of something beautiful. Please bear that in mind. If it sets your mind at rest, be assured that I have not and will not tell anyone that I saw you and please continue to enjoy your « wanking »..

Yours, Emily Ratton (Mrs)