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My life so far as I see it (or what I'd eventually like to become)
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Some women say they’re looking for worthless, mindless slaves. I’m not
sure I can agree with that characterization. Why would a woman, who is
obviously intelligent (they are, after all, playing in this realm, and I
haven’t met too many stupid people…I’ve met a few, but VERY few), want
someone worthless or mindless? Worth less…worth less than her? A
submissive male is already worth less than women. But, to have worth,
one must be intelligent; to have worth, one must have imagination; to
have worth, one must be worthy. I have worth, I have knowledge, I have
feelings, I have a life that I very much love, but I find that it’s so
much more enriched by the dominant women I encounter.
I don’t
believe I’m worth LESS than anyone (although, in the realm of BDSM, it’s
fun to play and experience, and it can be really fun). To know me,
you’d never know that I like to submit to a woman’s whims, to be
controlled by a woman, to worship a woman, to be teased to distraction
and to the point of madness then denied by a woman, or to be punished by
a woman; I would eventually welcome exploring a female-led relationship
with an open-minded, playful, intelligent, and sensual woman.
The
rest of the time, my life is very “normal”, whatever THAT means. I sure
as hell DON’T think that the woman I’m going to allow to do this to me
(and yes, I do allow it…my being a submissive means that she can be the
dominant…I don’t do that, SHE can’t do HER part!) is going to be doing
this full time EVERY time…good LORD, that would get BORING after a while
(kind of like the chastity forever thing…it could be okay for some
people, but I just don’t get it…it would seem that its erotic value
would wear off after a while…eh…to each their own).
There’s also
something magical in the sexual act itself…the worship of the GodESS,
that sublime idealized vision of Woman as a sexual being; capricious,
sometimes cruel, ever changing like the wind, and, as in the Billy Joel
song, "...she's always a woman to me." Most women, these Goddesses,
aren't going to want a "worthless" human being; because they have no
self-worth, the worthless human being probably isn’t going to be getting
the sex they want, because who wants to date a worthless human being?
I’m sure there are people out there who do, but I would just think those
people are taking advantage of a sad, pathetic person’s emotions. And,
as we just saw in California, a worthless human being can be extremely
destructive when their emotions get the better of them.
That
being said, I am not going to submit to every woman who proffers a whip
and says, “Kneel before me.” I also have standards, standards for myself
and for any woman to whom I submit. I will be separating soon…I have
needs, and those needs weren’t being met as my soon-to-be-ex is very
vanilla…believe it or not, she’s almost everything I talk about here;
after all, I wouldn’t have married her otherwise, but the kinkiness and
sexual side was definitely lacking, though, and my sexual submission is
an integral and HUGE part of who I am as a person, and has been since I
was a very small child.
The woman (or women) to whom I submit is
dominant full-time; it’s her nature and not a role she takes on (like
the $200-an-hour woman who can be a stripper, or a dancer, but also
plays on the side. I’m not begrudging her the money, and I’m not saying
she’s not a dominant, she MAY be, but it may just be a role that she
clocks in on, too!). She’s not a leather-clad dominatrix (she might be,
if that’s her profession, but…), she’s a woman who has a career, she
comes home, I make dinner, or SHE makes dinner because she feels like
making dinner; she does whatever chores she wants, and leaves the rest
to her me (and I had better do them). She delegates those
responsibilities she wishes to delegate, and I make it happen.
Actually, the leather-clad dominatrix doesn’t do much for me…I’m more
turned on by the woman who just has her street clothes, in whatever
she’s comfortable, no special outfit (although a specific perfume for a
tease session, another for a punishment (as opposed to fun) spanking or
whipping, would probably be good…scent can be, after all, associated
with so many things), and an attitude of dominance, like she expects
things to get done, and they'd better get done.
She’s also strong
enough and confident enough to allow me to be who I am: a confident,
intelligent male who has interests, a love of life–the Eros in life, if
you will–a life to live…I hold degrees in Anthropology and History,
bachelor-equivalents in Mathematics, Satellite Systems Engineering,
Electronics Engineering, English, Psychology, and Management. I hold an
Associate Degree in Applied Science for Land Surveying and Geomatics, I
hold a Master’s Certificate in Geospatial Information Systems, and am
getting a Master’s degree in Geospatial Information Systems. I'm a
voracious reader, am studying hypnosis on my own because I know that a
woman’s orgasm starts in her mind–same as in enlightened men—and I want
to give the woman I’m with infinite pleasure. I’m also studying with a
hypno-domme, Kali Bliss, who is training me in submissive triggers,
submissive response, and to be able to transfer pain into pleasure, to
become aroused while giving oral sex and while serving. I love to
travel, speak English, and am learning Russian. I compose music as a
hobby that I would like to turn into a career. I love studying the World
and all its wonders, and love to teach others about those wonders. I am
marginally spiritual; I think something’s there, but I don’t subscribe
to the religious dogma and prejudices (including, or especially,
regarding women). I guess I would call myself an Agnostic.
In my
former life, I was a Naval intelligence and cryptologic specialist, and I
had occasion to come into contact with some of the seamier people in
the world, and also met some…for lack of better term, extremely
dangerous individuals, who taught me things about defending myself and
others (I also discovered that my hackles REALLY go up when I encounter
so-called alpha males…cuckolding is probably NOT something in which the
woman I eventually submit to is going to be able to engage…it's also a
reason why I tend to feel uncomfortable in the Pansexual
realm...dominant men are all right, I just don't want to associate with
them in a club...it’s important to know these things about oneself).
Actually, I’ve played in some polysexual bdsm clubs, and I always had a
problem with the so-called “Alpha” males. Most of them were asses,
arrogant assholes who thought that being dominant or an “alpha” meant
being as misogynistic as possible to the women with whom they had a
relationship. Frankly, I felt that they were posers. I served in the
military for many years and I know how to dominate a situation (heck, to
know me, you’d probably feel I was “alpha”, but I know I am just a
poser…), and I’ve met many “alphas”; the military is full of them. You
can’t do what we had to do and be submissive. I'll get off my soapbox
now and get back on topic...where was I? Oh, yeah...self defense...
Having
female friends who have suffered horrific abuse (one woman has had her
back broken, has lost most of her sight because of a blow to the
face…makes me sick…if I EVER get hold of the guys…yes there were two,
two years apart, two different cities… who did this…the police’ll have
to go to the water treatment plants to strain for remains), my passion,
besides composing music, is teaching women how to defend themselves in
any situation (kind of like Tony Stark in Iron Man: “Some people say
that the best weapon is the one you never have to use. I respectfully
disagree. I think the best weapon is the one you only have to use
ONCE!”, I teach a woman a system that drops a man so fast, she only has
to DO it once before getting a reputation that nobody had better take
liberties with her. Because of my intelligence background, I teach
about how to better survive if things go terribly wrong (how to survive a
kidnapping). I also teach them how to detect when they're being tailed
or surveiled, how to get out of things like duct tape, zip ties,
handcuffs, and rope, how to vanish in a crowd, and how to permanently
disappear.
I don’t teach men who are under 35 or 40 (I’m 47
myself) because younger men have…passions…testosterone…that get in the
way of…rational thought (this may be a generalization, but I served with
enough 18-30-year-old “men” who really were nothing more than very
dangerous little boys…on the other hand, most of them who “saw the
elephant” have had the rough edges seriously knocked off…there are no
young kids who come back from a warzone). This thing that I teach is
like putting a loaded invisible gun into a woman’s hands, ready to pull
out to save her life; I don’t want some kid pulling this out and
“accidentally” seriously injuring or killing someone…it’s not something
that I could live with on my conscience…that I was the cause of the
death of an innocent.
As a typical INTP personality type (Meyers
Briggs), the woman I submit to must have brains! I know, a lot of the
people seriously involved in the BDSM community are fairly intelligent,
but there can be a world of difference between “fairly” intelligent, and
intelligent. If a woman is intelligent, witty, fun, sensual (yes, it
starts in the mind), sexy (also in the mind), and isn’t afraid of using
her intelligence, that’s a huge turn on (for me, anyway…basically if you
could join Mensa, we should probably talk…if she’s into sci fi, that’s
just a bonus). Invention, imagination, kinkiness (you don’t think you
have to be smart to be creatively kinky?!? Really?!?),
knowledge…honestly, if you don’t have these, what are we going to talk
about AFTER the punishment, or play session is over, or after sex? I
don’t want the Playboy Bunny who hasn’t two brain cells to rub together
(yes, I know, that’s an over-generalization and stereotype, but it’s the
overall appearance and impression thing) when a so-called “Plain Jane”
has everything I’ve been talking about. If it comes down to those two
women, I’ll go with the Plain Jane ANY day!
The next thing is I
have to adore her, and she has to adore me; this can’t be forced, it
can’t be bought, it can’t be made out of whole cloth, it’s something
that we have to do…I’M the one who has to adore her, and she has to
adore me. Picture Morticia and Gomez Addams…there’s no knowing who was
the dominant or the submissive (although I suspect she might have been
the top in the relationship…maybe not…fun to speculate on, though), they
had a VERY nontraditional relationship that obviously played on the
edgy side, but they genuinely loved and adored each other. The other
part of their relationship that came through is their implicit trust in
one another. If these things don't exist, there’s not even the smallest
chance of a relationship that lasts with me.
Other than a wish
list about what I like in a dominant woman, I haven’t really said much
about specifics (whips, restraints, teasing, spankings, etc.) because
those are all really props…toys if you will. Those are the things that
can be negotiated later; they are PART of the relationship, but they are
NOT the relationship! What I’m talking about are those things that make
up the woman herself, and those are the things that are important to
me.
All that said, I don’t want or need a babysitter, but I’d
love a woman who lets me LIVE and LOVE in the amazing life we share
together, but also knows how to rein me in at the drop of a hat, and has
the ability to smack me down hard, to make me feel small and powerless,
if she finds it necessary to my well-being, to her well-being, to the
harmony of the relationship, or if it just gives her pleasure to do so. I
guess I’m talking about the more traditional (if there is such a term
in relation to FLR) female-led relationship, and its appeal to me. Now,
if I can just FIND this, life will be perfect. You figure with roughly 4
billion women on the planet, ONE of them might fit the bill.
In
perhaps the weirdest sentence I’ve ever written, there are still strong,
confident, intelligent guys like me out there who will submit to, kneel
before, and worship, dominant women. Sheesh…talk about an
oxymoron…eh…it is what it is.
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Posted on : Aug 15, 2014
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