"I went home drunk with a fat girl once a whole bunch of times." Rodney Carrington

 "I ain't as good as I once once was but I'm as good once as I ever was." Toby Keith

"I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member." Groucho Marx

"Did you know that cats can make one thousand different sounds and dogs can only make ten? Cats, man not to be trusted." Jensen - The Losers

"Marriage is a wonderful institution but who would want to live in an institution.?"  H.L. Mencken

"I'm pretty sure there's more to life than being really, really,ridiculously good looking." Derek Zoolander