i got to stop asking the question - why am i such a shameful sissy who's just SO overwhelmingly devoted to and aroused by the MOST awfully degrading things....?

 Mother was a jail guard. i remember back when i was 4 years old maybe, sitting on her bed and watching her dress in all the foundationwear. all in that 'standard issue' white lace-not-quite-brocade - the girdle, the long-line bra, stockings to go with the garters on that girdle.

 and Mother had a taste for other things.... and a disgust for others.... that i now find captivating.

it was her bras and panties i got into. but not only hers. she did have a lovely taste in shimmery satin panties, long satin 70s nightgowns. i was always careful and she never caught me with hers. she DID walk in on me after one of my midnight forays to raid the local clotheslines of lingerie and swimwear. 

 and acted like it never happened. never mentioned it - that night at 3 in the morning. not the next day or ever. i just think she couldn't process it. its funny - i know she wanted to sleep with me. but she sure didn't want to see me as a girl.

 and now - at long last, after 49 years. finally back on my own, living my life, and becoming that depravity worshipping sissy i was long meant to be.