Now comes my cousin who is the same age as I am there has always been the connection - Atleast on my side, I will always try to have my way with her - when we were little kids we were probably enemies as we constantly fought each other but on occasion we was nice to each other, I once even managed to get her to take off her nappie to show me her pussy - Back then all's I knew is that we both had the same thing and I wondered why since one of my other cousins had something completely different (A penis) - as we grew I actually believed I was in love with her and on seperate occasions tried to tell her but I never actually managed to.

Countless times I tried to have my way with her, whenever I got the chance to be close to her I would try something even if it was just touching her leg or arm. I did tend to follow the same pattern for countless years, sometimes I was a little more brave and would spend the night at her house as me and her brother (my other cousin) got on like a house on fire, we were quite close as friends and tended to spend a lot of time together - Playing games on the computer, watching wrestling, trampoline, football - so it gave me the opportunity to hang around with her aswell without seeming like I was up to anything. I did take advantage of the times I got to spend around her and would always watch her as she did anything, most of the time I just looked at her ass and wondered what it would be like to feel, to taste, to see naked. I always prefered the times she went to sleep, I just had to wait until I knew my cousin I was spending time with was asleep aswell then I used to sneak into her bedroom and just watch her, slowly pull the quilt off of her, quickly touch her then run out of the bedroom incase she awoke - did that several times in the night before I fell asleep. Of course I did occasionally steal her underwear from her drawers and hide them in my overnight bag to take home with me, I would wear them once or twice then hide them in my sisters drawer so nobody would ever know what I had done.

A good time was when I was on holiday with her and my sister, I had talked to my sister about my obsession with my cousin and she promised to help me (She knew I was a little different so to speak, always into other girls), of course her idea of help meant talking to my cousin about everything I said and trying to convince her to love me back the way I thought I loved her, to give me a chance to prove we would be a good couple - they always acted like nothing had ever been said around me though - not that it mattered as I knew that nothing would ever happen between us, we would never be a couple. I went into a shame spiral for a while after that as I realised that my feelings in general were actual love and any time spent apart made me miss her more. After that I think I spent a few months of been "Cured" before all changed again and my feelings came to pass once more.

It was christmas eve and that meant the party at my grandmas with plenty of alchol - My family really weren't strict about us drinking aslong as we were sensible, to be fair my mother did give me sips of cider and wine when I was a child so I guess that helps contribute to why I love to drink wine, cider aswell when I feel like it - that was the best news I had heard, alchol meant I could drink my troubles away and pay for them another day. By the time I was feeling generally happy my cousin - the one I loved - came into the room when I was on the playstation 2 - It was always an hour on that, an hour on the computer talking to friends (Switch with another cousin after an hour on each) - I really enjoyed playing wwe games and at the time I loved digimon, spiderman and looney tunes racers and wacky racers aswell as rugrats. When she came in I knew she was pretty drunk and also knew that she would probably be having many more drinks as the night wore on, not that I honestly payed much attention to her at the time as I was "busy" trying to play a game - Also trying to avoid her - she sat next to me on the sofa that my grandma had placed in the spare bedroom (well one of two spares) at the front of the house alongside a computer desk with a television and the playstation 2 which also at one point hosted number 1 aswell.

She sat there for some time just watching me play before she spoke, I knew what she was going to say before she even said a word - I have been thinking about what happened a long time ago and maybe I should of given you the chance - of course with the alchol I knew she never meant a word and was too drunk to actually focus on anything so I passed it off and just agreed with her before letting her know it didn't matter, I was over her - I wasn't but she need not know that - and I was sorry for ever telling her all that stuff that could of ruined our family friendship sort of relationship. It was not long after that that my other cousin came in and announced the people we usually spoke to online had gone so he had come to join me on the playstation for a while before it was present time - My cousin left when her brother arrived - he asked me what she wanted and I just informed him she was drunk and possibly out of it.

The next time I actually spent any real time with her was at my birthday party, fancy dress and I chose to be a sumo ballerina (Inflatable) - Was funny until we left the pub (They closed down once the authorities realised they were selling alchol to minors) and ended up walking past a dance studio, the class all noticed me and wanted me to dance for them, I did not oblige as I was a little embarrased - not by the ballerina part as I once did ballet aswell as dance when I was young - that they had seen me dressed as I was. Of course by the time we got back to my grandmas for the party (where all parties are held as she has the biggest house) my cousin alongside a few other family members were a little tipsy, not that I minded, I prefered them to have a good time and not focus on me, never wanted to be the centre of attention. The drinks and food contributed to a lot of my time at the party, I was either in the fridge looking for the bottle of lambrini or I was at the dining table eating. I was wondering around the house looking for a quiet spot away from all the noise when I came across my cousin passed out on the sofa in the garage - At one point it had been converted into a bedroom then converted into a second living room with a downstairs bathroom - with all the alchol in me I knew I would not have a better chance so I walked over to her and prodder her to make sure she was not just laying down with her eyes closed, my luck must of been good that day as she did not stir.

I always wanted one thing from her more than anything else - at the time I did anyway - but a single kiss, not a family kiss on the cheek but an actual lip to lip kiss, of course I knew time was limited as anybody could walk in on us and I could not afford to lose such a valuable chance. I leaned over her body and could instantly smell the alchol on her, I do not know what she had been drinking but with all the stuff my family bought it could of been a whole variety of spirits, wines, beer, cider, cocktails. I was so focused on my goal I did not notice her stir until our lips touched and I heard her move around, without a second thought I darted into the bathroom and pretended to be using the toilet, when I came out she was sat up, the moment she saw me she asked me when I had arrived - Of course I told her the basic lie of I walked in to use the bathroom and found her on the sofa and when I came back out she was sat up - I got my kiss from her sort of and she had no recollection of the event. I helped her up and got a nice big hug from her for been the best birthday girl in the world apparantely then helped her upstairs to sleep off some effects of the alcohol.

Throughout the next year we spent some time together but nothing ever took place, we just mainly went ice skating or bowling with my sister and her brother - We spent a lot of time together as a foursome, sometimes as a party of five if friends joined us - they were the fun times but of course my love for her never passed and neither did my lust. The next time anything half decent took place was bonfire night, of course alchol was supplied alongside fireworks that nearly sent most of us to the hospital. Whenever bonfire night came around we would go to my aunties for the night (Not my real auntie, my grandmas sister, we always called her auntie though) and celebrate with food, drinks, fireworks and of course a bonfire. That night there was me and my cousin (Male) sitting on the roof of the old outhouse style building, used for a shed, the others were using fireworks and they were doing fine up until the point when someone threw a live one on the bonfire - All went wrong with them after that - luckily it was just one of those shooters that shoot of different colours, of course they shot at a few people but nobody got hurt by them thankfully.

 It was the time when someone who shall not be named lit a rocket, it went up fine but came tumbling back down and hit the garden, every firework after that did and quite a few hit the place in which I sat, luckily I moved away from them and onto the roof (house), I climbed down after that and managed to stay inside for some time until they were all done. I had realised at the time when trapped in the house so to speak that there were two people I had not seen all night, my sister and my cousin (The one I loved/lusted), once all was clear I went in search of them and found them hiding in the front garden with a variety of sweets in a bag alongside ice pops, they had walked down the road to the corner shop and bought a variety of things which was fine by me as the ice pops went down a treat even though it was a cold night. Sparklers came round at some point and we all went to the back garden to play with them, making shapes in the sky with them was always fun. After all that I went back inside while most grown ups stayed outside to talk and sit around the fire for warmth, I left my sister and cousin to their own devices and found my uncle (Again not my uncle, my mothers cousin) playing on his playstation (Handy guy as he made copies and sold them), I watched him for a while while I ate the flapjack my mother had made then got bored and went in search of other people, I found my cousin (Male) in the living room and spent time with him.

We both went in search of my sister and his sister and found them once again in the front garden, I knew straight of that they were drunk as they were acting weird, slurring their words, been flirty - Thats my sister to be fair, she flirts with anyone once she is drunk, also speaks her mind, I am much different, I just spend the time giggling at nothing - generally been their drunk selves, I wouldn't of minded but I was the oldest of the "Kids" as the adults called us at the time and had a responsibilty to look after them, was not the best job but I was responsible so I was trusted - My sister was probably worse as she kept trying to walk home, had to force her to stay in the garden - carried on like that until my cousin (male) came up with the best idea of the night, he had his new phone with him which had a built in light (better than mine, I had junk that could do little more than be a phone), he always has had the best stuff but of course it never bothered me. He asked them both if they wanted to play dares, something to keep them interested, of course it meant just them two playing, me and my cousin would just make them do the dares.

We started of simple by getting them to go to the back garden and take sparklers or annoy one of the family, turned a little fun after a while, he dared his sister to stand up and show him her bra, she obliged and stood up against the wall as for nobody to see if they came round then pulled up her top and showed it to him, he took a picture which thankfully turned out quite well and kept it on his phone. I tried to dare my sister to do something of the sorts but like me she has always been a little reserved, never wanting to show people our bodies, don't blame her though as I don't like people seeing mine, my boobs are too small, my belly is too fat. It took a few others dares from my cousin to his sister before my sister got involved a little bit, while my cousin was standing there with her pants down showing her underwear and her bra pushed up showing off her budding breasts my sister pulled her pants down a little and showed off her underwear, did a quick spin and showed off her covered ass then stopped playing - Little did I know my cousin (male) had video taped the whole thing on his phone. The next morning she swore blind that what had happened really did happen but I feigned innocence and told her nothing had. It was months before I ever realised he had the video, I knew about the pictures but at that point had completely forgotten about them until I went through his phone.

While he was in the shower I was bored, we were going bowling, I had seen his phone and decided to look through his pictures as he had shown me a picture on his laptop a few weeks before of his ex girlfriend and her best friend posing in just their bras for him - I have to admit he does have the looks, kind of helped him get what he wanted from his friends - I knew he would keep it on his phone to show off to his friends - I was kind of against it as I felt bad about him doing something that was meant to be a private moment (If not a drunk or drug induced moment) - I found the picture quite easily but also found the other pictures from the bonfire night along with the video. I stole his phone and hid it in my bag knowing we would be going to my house before the bus station so I could change. I looked at the photos and video constantly after that. Nothing interesting happened after that until the august in which we all went to the caravan with my parents.

By that time my cousin (The one I loved/lusted) and my sister were the best of friends and did everything together, not that I minded, I knew it could of been me with my cousin if we had grown up friends, instead I found my cousin (male) to be more fun to hang with back then - I was a little kid, I didn't have the feelings back then - I mean we all were friends but they were more like sisters, more than me and my sister were. It was a weekend trip which meant arriving friday afternoon, going for some food then playing games or going down to the disco (My cousin and sister) until saturday when we would be heading into the seaside town for the day. I didn't mind friday night as not only did I have my cousin (Jason) but also my younger cousin (Amelia) - My sister (Hannah) My other cousin (Samantha) - which I knew would be fun as she was a little closer to me than I dared admit at the time - Another story - and was easily coerced into doing anything I wanted her to do. I had but one goal that night, my cousin Samantha would share the bedroom with my sister while I shared the living room/kitchen area with my other cousins - Was not comfortable sleeping in a booth style table - well while Samantha and Hannah were at the disco me and my other cousins spent the time with my parents watching a movie then playing mexican train (domino game) aswell as deal or no deal.

My parents went to bed long before Samantha and Hannah crawled into the caravan drunk - This family really needed to stop with the alchol but oh well we never have - which was fine by me, I suggested another game with cards but Jason wasn't interested and Samantha and Hannah were too drunk, that only left Amelia who said she would but with only her I decided against it. While my sister, Amelia and Jason were sat in the room I walked to the bathroom (followed Samantha) and watched as she used the toilet - she told me I wouldn't want to stand and watch but I told her I did and she did not complain.My goal for the night was to wait until they all slept then sneak into the bedroom and feel up Samantha, worked well up until the point she woke up in a groggy state, I left before she noticed me but I did get a feel of her covered pussy and a quick feel of her boobs through her top. I did sneak back in later in the night just to go through her bag, I stole a pair of her underwear along with a pair of my sisters for good measure.

 While Amelia slept on a sofa cushion bed on the kitchen part of the floor I did join her for a short period, I layed next to her for a short time before I kissed her, I was turned on but knew I couldn't have release incase any family member woke up and caught me. She always knew better than to say anything, she just layed there as I kissed her, I knew what I wanted but couldn't get it so I just took second best, I pulled down her pyjama pants with no resistance and pulled off her underwear before leaving her makeshift bed. I watched her from my own bed as she pulled up her pyjama pants and went back to sleep, I soon fell asleep myself knowing I had to wait until sunday night before I could get myself off. The last good time I remember was the time when half the family went to the rocky horror show, I was sat alone on the computer in the back bedroom when they all came back, Samantha and Hannah quickly joined me in the bedroom and I knew before they even did anything that they were evidently drunk.

Samantha lay down on the bed facing the computer while Hannah dissapeared, believe she went back downstairs, I was not bothered but Samantha's requests were the most fun, she wanted to watch porn, I happily obliged by showing her pictures on google, she was not happy that I would not show her any naked men but she was too out of it to care. I looked back after a handful of pictures to find her eyes closed, I poked her to see if she was awake but apparantely she was out. My luck always had one good moment, I took advantage with delicate touches to start with, soft kisses on her lips she would not feel unless she woke, slowly edging her top up her stomach - Was a nightmare trying to get what I wanted - I got it up a little bit when she stirred so I returned to the computer, once I was sure she was out I tryed again but ignore the top and went straight for the main prize, I slid one hand down into her pants, the first things I felt was hair, she evidently did not shave. My spare hand travelled under her top, straight up until I got one finger under her bra and could feel her bare breast, I was finally in heaven until I felt her stir again and quickly pulled out. I didn't try again after that as my sister came up so I left and went downstairs.

Even with the memories it will never be enough, I need to finish what I started, I need to take advantage of my cousin when she is drunk, I need to find out if I ever missed anything special.